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Sonata for Robin and Poet (Free verse) by Dovina Beneath some clouds on a blue-sky day
A poet stood prepared
And on a limb of an apple tree
A robin pensively turned
The poet stood erect and booked
A candle in his hand
The robin perched alert and plum
A worm held in his beak
âTis thus,â pronounced the poet
âI have seen and it is trueâ
The robin turned a fury head
And salivated if birds do
The poet read and read
From chapbook, scrapbook, cookbook too
The robin listened, eating worm
Then retorted a little chirp
With reading finished
Worm devoured
Poet said to robin
Man shall not live by worm alone
The robin fluffed and sang a tune
Lifted lightly overhead
And placed upon the poetâs chapbook
And answer in red and brown.
Up the ladder:
She dreams
Down the ladder:
!!!
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.714286
Posted: November 7, 2005 12:41 PM PST; Last modified: November 7, 2005 12:41 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.729984 Overall Rank: 1854 Comments:
Where's my kick on credit?
Okay, if you'll fight the system and give a comment, here's your shin-kick: Truckers should get double-taxed because without them bridges could be half as strong.
We are. We pay tax at the pump and then a road -use tax based on the amount of miles driven in each state. The highways were originally designed to allow our military quick movement around the country. Secondly as intrastate and interstate commerce, trucking. Thirdly, recreation. You have been double trumped. please try again.
Okay, it was a weak girlish kick. I will try again only after you kick back with a genuine comment on the poem.
Credit where its due this is the best I've seen from you and deserves comments.
I see a lot of control in this and the language form is a detraction from your usual style. In a word - graceful.
Thanks, C.
Not your best. I suggest you seem to know a lot about how poets think and act while simultaneously holding the belief that poetry is not something requiring training, effort, or skill while simultaneously writing crap poetry about it.
Ahh come on this is no way crap none of us admit to being elitist we just do our best.
We're all training here and who knows maybe an apprentice can become a master.
Thanks Mona. That goes for all who do not admit to being masters.
Yeah, I know. I just said it wasn't her best, which is true. In my opinion, her best is either "Math Poem 3" or "Returning".
Oh, I also said Dovina's poetry about snooty poets not being in touch with the world is crap. You're perfectly free to say I just think so because I'm a snooty poet. Now I'll say I admit to being elitist. Elites tend, on average, to be better than Sorries at many things I deem important. That's why they're elites.
Thanks Z. The writing of crap poetry has been my goal for a long time now. Itâs good to find some budding appreciation.
That would be DA's genre.
Read "Lady Bradbury's Excursion" then reconsider.
I didn't omit you from the genre. But admit it. No body does crap like DA.
Probably not, I haven't smelled it.
It's good you find budding appreciation. I've been trying to project a certain wry ambivalence tinged with disgust.
Why hold a candle in a bright blue day? Anyway, this was light-hearted and funny. A great read!
I loved the 3rd and 4th stanzas especially!
No good reason for the candle. It's just in keeping with the image of a poet who holds a candle and mirror to society. I read it somewhere.
I like it , except that, alert and plum seems redundant within the line.
Alert and standing vertical with respect to his center of gravity. Actually there's no other way to stand without falling.
Plumb would suggest same as would just alert. do what you will.
Please see the comments here:
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j and here: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
I will agree to the rightness of one whom I generally accuse of placing rhythm above rightness.
Excellent as this is, I still cant believe you tried to criticise me for writing something from LaLa land. The Salivating line and the concept of the piece are excellent, making for pleasurable, surreal, (though not bizarre) reading.
You've sent me scurrying around to see where I said you wrote something from LaLa Land. I did make a comment like that awhile back, but I don't see it on any of your poems. Did you delete a poem? Remind me and I'll look at it again.
As a general comment, your poems and comments have been good. Thanks for commenting.
I think I must of deleted the piece that you declared as being hard to rank, since it was from LaLa Land. I think you rated it 5 and argued with zodiac till he rated it 10 to negate your 5.
Nah, it was me.
If I deleted every poem that someone said sucks, you can name one that I'd delete, and I can name a lot more. I think it's better to leave a nasty dog alone. Who knows, in a few months, someone might change his mind and take the mut home. It's happened.
Alternatively, let the nasty mut go free into the wilderness where it belongs, replacing it with a spanking new poodle that follows you round and people tell you how cute it is....
Allright, maybe I should leave them (it allows people to pick up on your faults and give better feedback, rather than saying "nice write"); but once they are off the recent list then nobody really looks at them anyway, so the temptation rather than to see them go bad and lonely is to cover them up with a new poem, so that at least nobody sees them after they've gone bad.
Sorry to disappoint, but wrong answer. Caviots about my opinion verses yours unnecessary, I hope. I often receive comments and votes on old poems. Besides it allows readers to see all my posted work, better and worse, and to better evaluate it as a whole. That is, unless you're just too sensitive to hear any more comments on a poem you've already judged as bad.
There is one problem with your argument here, being that once a poem is off the recent list, it tends not to be red, and just seems to sit there as a bad egg taking up space. It is not an issue of sensitivity, and if it were, there would be nothing to be sensitive about apart from the lack of comments. I only receive votes on new poems, perhaps because I have massively less work on this site, mine do not appear on random so often. Never the less. The reason I deleted the piece in question was that it had a lot of hits with the only comments being about whether you should vote or not, one vote from you, and another from someone to negate your 5, leaving the piece unconsidered and thus it was better to replace it with something that might be considered, allowing me to figure out what is and isn't accessible for people.
What does Caviot mean by the way? I cant find it in any dictionary's.
Your powms do not show up on the random list because they have been voted on recently. Only poems without votes show up there. Sorry about Caviot, it should be Caveat.
You'll get a lot more guff comments here on Poemranker than comments on your poem. If you like the interchange, that's good, if not you'll be disappointed. I try to sort gems from a trash heap, and figure the take is worth the effort. 299 view(s)
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Forgive me if you feel I pooped on your poem but that's what us robins do.
I actually think it's some of the best stuff you've written this week.