Re: The Little Mouse That Roared by Wakeboarder20	24-Oct-06/8:28 AM
and not afraid to force the issue is so ridiculous it made me Lol.
Re: Prologue by Dovina	24-Oct-06/8:30 AM
Cool. Put in on your gravestone.
Re: MRS Degree by Miggy	24-Oct-06/8:31 AM
She is the opposit of a tack is terrible :( as is the teachers giving her an A. I'd have given her an F.
Re: Your Eyes by Dovina	24-Oct-06/8:34 AM
Good apart from the last line which is a bit of a bum ending.
Re: Crappy by drnick	24-Oct-06/8:38 AM
you seem to keep missing the verb to be out all the time. If you see the verb to be as naughty use different verbs.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Nov-06/2:37 AM
L4 seems awfully forced. The '-'s are typographically (and syntactically) bum. Put 'then' into the second verse.
Re: 311006 txt to russia by daniella	1-Nov-06/2:52 AM
A little unsubstantial. It has a well crafted order.
Re: Still by half.italian	1-Nov-06/3:19 AM
Too disparate see daniella's txt to Russia. The 'I am' in the first line is used to draw together the images.
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	1-Nov-06/11:19 AM
sadder wiser beers is urgh. The final stanza's enjambment is off. Why not just: It was a fire balloon from Essen/launched to measure high altitude winds. No aliens here/just hazy earthlings, shooting/into the dark bushes.
Re: Suburban Spleen by Sasha	1-Nov-06/2:20 PM
Every stanza should end with a full stop. I know you are experimenting with style but it doesn't work. I don't like the final stanza (first two lines of) either.
Re: Bagni di Lucca by Sasha	8-Nov-06/2:51 AM
and how does one go about translating daft formatting?
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Nov-06/1:45 PM
Well my plane was late and no one was telling me where it was so I went looking for it. I thought the runway was as good a place to look as any and blow me down it was there. The plane was delayed the toilets didn't work no one was telling me anything and the damn plane was just stood there on the runway. -10-
Re: Just words by aliena	15-Nov-06/1:37 PM
This is pretty good. 'And words are the easiest' is rather cack-handed (the easiest what/of what). I like 'break them across lines'.
Re: tormented suspicion by pollywolly	15-Nov-06/1:40 PM
replace 'brings forth tears/ to my eyes' with 'brings forth tears/ to my bum'
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Nov-06/2:08 AM
The second verse is good. The last four lines of the first verse are a bit muddled. I can't really make out what is happening.
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	27-Nov-06/2:12 AM
Like the curate's egg. I don't like 'Your scornful view on things is far too grim;'.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Dec-06/3:02 PM
Here too as in the other hemisphere/ are metal jungles is close to working. I have a couple of problems: (i) the other hemisphere-- I tend to view jungles as being in the tropics rather than part of a given hemisphere (ii)metal jungles [too]-- are you comparing two metal jungles. If you are it is difficult to ascertain which particular places you are comparing.
Re: Advent by Nicholas Jones	23-Dec-06/3:12 PM
Sounds like something the wretched Dovina would write. It is all tell and not show.
Re: Exile in New Hamshire by AlexandraLeaving	6-Jan-07/12:18 PM
I rather thought theese meant you were a southerner.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Jan-07/12:30 PM
you should have just gone down to the pier and waved.