Re: Bookshop girls by Stephen Robins	20-May-07/11:43 AM
the first half is funny. the second half is just gratuitous, doesn't really add anything.
Re: Yeah by Skamper	20-May-07/11:40 AM
who owns God? interesting work, though your syllabic form is off. if the 5-7-5 were intact this would be senryu.
Re: a comment on the magic rock by nypoet22	13-May-07/9:00 AM
revised.
Re: a comment on the magic rock by nypoet22	12-May-07/11:01 AM
I added an introductory quote and a verse in the middle in an attempt to clarify. good? bad? other?
Re: a comment on the magic rock by nypoet22	12-May-07/10:58 AM
does this clear things up any?
Re: a comment on new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	30-Apr-07/5:55 PM
possibly passed by, on his way to stand on a chair and perform. possibly passed excrement and stood on that. possibly both at the same time, at least metaphorically.
Re: a comment on new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	26-Apr-07/11:28 AM
spelling error corrected, punctuation suggestion implemented. 'a' changed to 'the.' thanks.
Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles	25-Apr-07/6:13 PM
nice hokku beginning, excellent underlying structure a-la-w.c.williams, both the beginning and ending are superb. the middle two stanzas drag a little, especially the third. try to get that same meaning in around half the words.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	17-Apr-07/1:41 PM
A hive of children Await snow for snow angels, mourn the shrinking sun.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	25-Mar-07/9:28 AM
Organic pluots burst, roll, touch, tickle palates bred pink to hold them
Re: Tidal by helenwales	22-Oct-06/9:18 PM
not strictly haiku, but an interesting series of images nonetheless. the majority of these verses are closer to senryu (5-7-5 syllabic verse about people) than haiku (5-7-5 syllabic verse about nature). if these all really constitute one overall poem however, i would try to make your theme clearer, because i'm not seeing connection between the montage of images.
Re: a comment on Tidal by helenwales	22-Oct-06/9:12 PM
i think it's mainly just you that running 5-7-5 doesn't jive with.
Re: Epilogue by MacFrantic	22-Oct-06/9:09 PM
interesting. i'm not sure this stands on its own, but the end of a series... sure, why not.
Re: a comment on MRS Degree by Miggy	22-Oct-06/9:04 PM
oh come on, it's not THAT bad... the idea is solid and a few of the images are good, it's just the wording and a few of the more inane images that require a kitchen utensil.
Re: Prologue by Dovina	22-Oct-06/8:53 PM
i'd be curious to hear this performed by actors. is it a prologue to something, or to all poetry in general?
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	20-Oct-06/3:03 PM
great groundhog eyes will waken hungering, harvest gone to green
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	17-Oct-06/5:06 PM
Rain drops thick and fat, splatters the ground like grease on a frypan (remember, the next one's a spring and flower image)
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	16-Oct-06/2:28 PM
her unborn face hangs amniotic, Selene over the summer sky
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	14-Oct-06/1:39 PM
Startled embryo Stepped-on, mucked-up, matted, packed in sod (that was verse 11; almost 1/3 done)
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	14-Oct-06/1:27 PM
the whole event seems a bit dry and distant. as a reader i can relate, but still have trouble caring about the characters. maybe try using some present tense to add immediacy? I disagree with nick about "aware of her insignificance." Although the line tells about feelings that are meaningful, they could be better shown through body language or imagery. the last line is too much information unsupported; what comes before does not adequately suggest a reason for such an extreme result.