Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	13-Oct-06/8:50 PM
thanks. i'm in the process of editing this, but it's a slow slog.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	13-Oct-06/8:38 PM
here i'm guilty of planting my tongue in my cheek a bit too firmly, thought the waiting three days crack would be funny. judging by the level of humor, maybe i WAS drunk at the time. that said, i'd argue the seperate poem issue not quite as simple as that anyway. is the prologue to a chapter really its own chapter? is it really part of the chapter that follows? probably neither. part 4 has a prologue too, which is really its own thing, but not enough so to warrant waiting to give it its own entry. nonetheless, it's a different part. many poets preface different poems within a poem by using roman numerals to indicate that they're distinct and seperate from the other parts. in truth, though the prologue isn't really part of the main poem, i felt giving it its own entry would cause just as much confusion as not. part of my problem here is there's no flexibility of typesetting in this website. the prologue should be in italics before part 1's title, and wouldn't really belong anyplace else. capture is actually catching the animal, subjugation is getting it to sit, roll over and play dead. good point about the "even when" parts. thanks for the comments.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	12-Oct-06/8:47 PM
the first stanza is really a prologue, its own poem apart from the rest. i just didn't feel like waiting another three days to post it. about the wordy part, could you pinpoint where you lost interest?
Re: a comment on The Mandarin by Caducus	12-Oct-06/6:52 PM
maybe just end line one on home, because home is where the scene is set.
Re: The Mandarin by Caducus	12-Oct-06/6:49 PM
very nice imagery. one grammar issue though. unless there's some other reason for line 3 being the way it is, i think "It lay next to the ring I had given her," would make much more sense. The following link explains why: http://www.bartleby.com/64/C003/0192.html
Re: a comment on lNoOvTe by fiefofum	12-Oct-06/6:29 PM
please spell definitely correctly. cute poem though.
Re: jo jo by oddgreenout	12-Oct-06/6:27 PM
who?
Re: Wind By Any Other Name by Edna Sweetlove	12-Oct-06/6:26 PM
there's always a market for flatulence.
Re: October by A_Dark_Calm	12-Oct-06/6:24 PM
what's with not saying the name? otherwise lovely.
Re: Soy Flat White with One by helenwales	12-Oct-06/6:22 PM
minor grammar correction: _an_ acrid smell. otherwise, i like it.
Re: My Culture (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	12-Oct-06/6:19 PM
the repetition doesn't really work for me here. when i read only the parts in each verse that come before "welcome to my culture," i like the poem a whole lot better. repetition of that sort is supposed to build you into a rhythm of some sort, and i think those parts are more of a disruption than anything else. i wish i could be more specific about what about those lines bugs me, but right now all i can say is that they make my brain itch.
Re: Love Trail by D. $ Fontera	12-Oct-06/6:02 PM
awwwww. this belongs on a hallmark card.
Re: Gilded Lily by drnick	12-Oct-06/6:01 PM
to have the word "thee" followed shortly thereafter by the word "socio-emotional" shows the inconsistency of language use here. every work has some inconsistencies, but the language and grammar of this one is really all over the place.
Re: Bitter by Ranger	12-Oct-06/5:56 PM
absolutely beautiful. things i think could be improved: no need to title it bitter, that makes me think of beer as much as anna's ghost. For she left and wandered off would fit the rhythm better without the word me. With no road back to me should really be the last line. bitterness of the sort described is really such a selfish sentiment, ending on any word other than "me" is practically a crime. of course, this is all just basically me nitpicking. i love the poem. love it.
Re: Retail by Wakeboarder20	12-Oct-06/5:43 PM
i like the structure. i agree with ranger about the name.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	12-Oct-06/3:58 AM
So now love flies to gather what she can to build her home Before the chill falls we make autumn love to whispered songs http://www.ahapoetry.com/rengfmau.htm
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	11-Oct-06/4:47 PM
Sweet sap nestled deep inside, she will holds what snowfall comes
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	11-Oct-06/5:01 AM
We gather kindling to light the parched wood, to warm our hands. (note, in an autumn kasen renga, stanzas 5-6 are about winter)
Re: Screws by helenwales	11-Oct-06/4:25 AM
one of these years i'll visit my cousins in wales. good stuff.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	11-Oct-06/4:04 AM
i'll write the second stanza. maybe we should enlist a third poet? A stiff gust of autumn tugs at dried brittle summer moons(jle)