| Re: a comment on The choices we make by darby pyn |
30-Jun-05/10:29 AM |
The way I meant âinoculate the soars with rhetorical cementâ
is this is a poem about a man at a young age who hated what he saw.
the government. his dad a poor man sent to war lost a limb
and gets spit at on return, say the church who beats him
and in his eyes full of hypocrisy. so say you want to memorize
a number, 856, 856 , 856. you repeat it over and over.
as a child he is saying âI will never be like thatâ
over and over. and in that case which I meant it
the phrase works.
thanks for your insight.
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| Re: The Object of the Game by Dovina |
28-Jun-05/11:33 AM |
well done.
this was very good. 8
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| Re: a comment on We by darby pyn |
27-Jun-05/11:07 AM |
you are so right. it was late when I wrote this.
I donât know what I was thinking.
I give myself a zero.. wow.
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| Re: a comment on Third person. by darby pyn |
23-Jun-05/10:29 AM |
Thank you for your comments and insight as always.
the suggestions made will be carefully thought upon.
I am not so stubborn or vane to think their is no room
for improvement.
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| Re: a comment on Slam. by darby pyn |
21-Jun-05/11:25 PM |
Harsh. but at least you expressed your opinion.
on second thought. if he deserves a zero Iâll
gladly give him one. but not out of spite.
if he wantâs to give â0âsâ and giggle behind
his screen. I could care less.
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| Re: a comment on Slam. by darby pyn |
21-Jun-05/8:13 PM |
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| Re: Rise (incomplete) by Miracle |
21-Jun-05/9:35 AM |
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it's lacking something. maybe more detail?
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| Re: a comment on Slam. by darby pyn |
20-Jun-05/3:15 PM |
My friend said the same thing.
thanks bankrupt.
I'll fix it.
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| Re: a comment on The tender side. by darby pyn |
20-Jun-05/2:37 PM |
The line â let me be flattery for my plagiarismâ comes from the
phrase â Imitation is the sincerest form of flatteryâ.
what I mean is I take all the beauty the person I admire has
and when I feel bad I think of her and I feel better.
thank you for your suggestions.
darby.
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| Re: a comment on The tender side. by darby pyn |
20-Jun-05/12:19 PM |
I know my writing seems vague and without foundation
but the subject of love is so overused with the same
old cliché in most poems on about it I tend to
be more abstract and less generic with my metaphors.
each person has their own interpretation and thatâs
fine. I understand what I write. if others donât
thatâs OK. I hope their are scenes, verses that catch your
eye but dissecting it to pieces for everyoneâs approval
and making it more tangible for mass opinion is bullshit.
I like your writing and appreciate all critcism.
constructive or not. I can take it. : )
I liked " unclean" allot.
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| Re: a comment on When the muse calls. by darby pyn |
17-Jun-05/11:09 PM |
the original line was " necessary". I have problems with
it also. thank you for your input.
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| Re: a comment on When the muse calls. by darby pyn |
17-Jun-05/11:02 PM |
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Thank you dovina for your insight.
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| Re: a comment on When the muse calls. by darby pyn |
16-Jun-05/11:17 PM |
I decided on inhibition. it just seemed to flow better
to my ear. I appreciate the spell check.
thanks again.
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| Re: a comment on When the muse calls. by darby pyn |
16-Jun-05/11:08 PM |
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Thank you bankrupt. I will fix it and use your suggestion.
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| Re: Emotionally Unavailable by horus8 |
13-Jun-05/2:08 PM |
you naked/ me vacum cleaner. priceless.
entertaining as usual. 8
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| Re: a comment on A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey |
13-Jun-05/12:17 PM |
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it's funny because it's true..
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| Re: a comment on Labor. by darby pyn |
11-Jun-05/6:50 PM |
Thank you. I wrote this without pause. when reading it back â Laborâ
seemed the proper title. it was not conceived with any obvious topic
but the pain and resolution of pregnancy seemed to manifest at the
conclusion as the interpretation of this Dr Suess nightmare.
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| Re: Afraid of the dark. by darby pyn |
9-Jun-05/1:22 AM |
This poem sucks ass. it stutters, it slurs. vague hack writers piss me off.
stale malnourished weak shit thrown in every direction sticking to all
the unfortunate souls whoâs eyeâs are sacrificed for one wrong
turn. why me GOD. whhhyyyyy. WHO IS THIS FUCK.
oh......itâs me.
I have to quit drinking.
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| Re: Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus |
7-Jun-05/4:20 PM |
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I love this poem, rant. you have great sarcasm.
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| Re: Pyrrhus smoked the sun by SupremeDreamer |
18-Dec-03/7:30 PM |
reminds me of camping at the beach.
I miss that . 9
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