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Third person. (Free verse) by darby pyn
give me reverie and lay down the walls of my trepidation. let my cadence shake the foundation inside me before my headstone becomes scenery without substance. show me the spoils of war and let me decide on discretion or vanity. the cost and the resolve. I am suffering from fermentation and my antidote lacks the poison only contrast can provide to give perspective to my peripheral questions. I tend to my wounds with vice but years of indulgence has given me immunity and all my habits became placebo’s. the cracks are forming beneath my silhouette and my profile has lost it’s camouflage. more is needed. but more is never enough. if I bleed will you give me the stigmata. will the thorns dull and let the swelling heal before my open casket apology. I’m only a boy.

Up the ladder: By My Window
Down the ladder: missing pieces

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Arithmetic Mean: 2.0
Weighted score: 4.642391
Overall Rank: 12371
Posted: June 23, 2005 2:03 AM PDT; Last modified: June 23, 2005 2:03 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 69.231.23.223 | 23-Jun-05/2:17 AM | Reply
I mean no offense when I tell you that the first sentence to come into my mind when I read this was, "What in The Hell?"

I'm gonna go to bed and read this again in the morning. See what shakes off the tree then.
[3] meek_little_braggart @ 4.131.139.38 | 23-Jun-05/3:11 AM | Reply
My first, immediate response is three words: What the fuck. There's obviously something behind your forehead, pushing hard to be heard, but it isn't coming out clearly yet--misused words make static: "stigmata" is, for instance, a mystical "miracle" involving having ones hands and possibly side "bleed" with wounds like those traditionally suffered by Jesus on the cross appearing on an individual's body--often during a trance. St. Theresa was one individual rather more afflicted than otherwise by this "miracle." And... if you're suffering from fermentation, some coffee might do you good. I really feel some significance building up beneath the haze, there, man. Let clarity and lucidity rule where they fit--don't be afraid to edit.
[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > meek_little_braggart | 23-Jun-05/10:29 AM | Reply

Thank you for your comments and insight as always.
the suggestions made will be carefully thought upon.
I am not so stubborn or vane to think their is no room
for improvement.


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