poemranker ::Third person. by darby pyn

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 127708

Third person.

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Jun 2005 · 3 comments

give me reverie and lay down the walls of my trepidation. let my cadence shake the foundation inside me before my headstone becomes scenery without substance. show me the spoils of war and let me decide on discretion or vanity. the cost and the resolve. I am suffering from fermentation and my antidote lacks the poison only contrast can provide to give perspective to my peripheral questions. I tend to my wounds with vice but years of indulgence has given me immunity and all my habits became placebo’s. the cracks are forming beneath my silhouette and my profile has lost it’s camouflage. more is needed. but more is never enough. if I bleed will you give me the stigmata. will the thorns dull and let the swelling heal before my open casket apology. I’m only a boy.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 2.00 weighted 4.64 rank 12354 views 183 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

3 comments

[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 23-Jun-05/2:17 AM Reply
I mean no offense when I tell you that the first sentence to come into my mind when I read this was, "What in The Hell?"

I'm gonna go to bed and read this again in the morning. See what shakes off the tree then.
[3] meek_little_braggart 23-Jun-05/3:11 AM Reply
My first, immediate response is three words: What the fuck. There's obviously something behind your forehead, pushing hard to be heard, but it isn't coming out clearly yet--misused words make static: "stigmata" is, for instance, a mystical "miracle" involving having ones hands and possibly side "bleed" with wounds like those traditionally suffered by Jesus on the cross appearing on an individual's body--often during a trance. St. Theresa was one individual rather more afflicted than otherwise by this "miracle." And... if you're suffering from fermentation, some coffee might do you good. I really feel some significance building up beneath the haze, there, man. Let clarity and lucidity rule where they fit--don't be afraid to edit.
[n/a] darby pyn › meek_little_braggart 23-Jun-05/10:29 AM Reply

Thank you for your comments and insight as always.
the suggestions made will be carefully thought upon.
I am not so stubborn or vane to think their is no room
for improvement.