regarding some deleted poem...	6-Mar-06/9:23 AM
for some reason i am reminded of the odd "spam poetry" that i get in my email sometimes. that is to say, neither good nor bad.
Re: The Ocean by Fayt	6-Mar-06/12:14 PM
i like this, but i'm going to engage in some semantics here: the ocean doesn't bring life to anyone/anything. in fact, it doesn't bring. life exists because of the ocean's properties, but a fair amount of death happens because of the ocean, also. i like the ocean. i like what you have written. i guess i just see the ocean as a formidable force of nature that can cut in both directions. this haiku shows only one edge of the blade.
Re: Piano by Dovina	6-Mar-06/2:37 PM
pretty interesting. i think the allegory could be pushed a bit more, with all the references to scales, much they way you "played" on the teeth (double entendre intended). overall, sounds like a traumatic experience....
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	12-Apr-06/11:12 AM
pish, posh, a lot of noise on this one, wot? (had to put in a stuff line so my post won't be out of place...) as you know, ALChemy, i love the Sunshine poem. I do agree that this one needs a bit of tweaking, but what doesn't? i agree that the line about wine is a bit out of place. and that the moon reference is not barely there and i would not have known it but for your explanation. however, the sunshine does ride on the shoulders of the moon, else we would scarecely see the moon from our earthbound station. keep working on this one, please. as for the comments, take what you want and leave the rest, i say. if someone bashes your work, whatever. if they have something useful, great, otherwise ignore it.
Re: a dream by lmp	14-Apr-06/7:08 AM
oops... looke like i clicked the little "X" instead of the "reply" ro Dovina's comment. here it is: Comments: Dovina 70.38.78.229 [7] 12-Apr-06/6:53 PM As good as any creation myth, except that it goes against knowledge. Myths generally do not contradict sound understanding at the time of their writing. That's why this on falls a bit flat. Still it's nicely written. Reply X ALChemy 24.74.100.11 [9] 12-Apr-06/10:34 PM It's a fable, not a myth. Reply X Dovina 70.38.78.229 [7] 12-Apr-06/10:38 PM Little difference. A fable is intended as untruth, where a myth is usually said to be true. Okay - fable. Picky, picky! Reply X ALChemy 24.74.100.11 [9] 12-Apr-06/11:29 PM It could have been a myth once. Yeah I know I'm picking on you but it's a freindly picking rest assured. :D
Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	14-Apr-06/8:22 AM
ok at the risk of being nitpicky: 1st line: maybe a comma after "Oh", as in "Oh, morning girl..." you may want to set off this line from the rest of the following 5 lines as it is a complete sentence of its own at the very opening. or not. 3rd line: i would choose "tumultous" instead or turbulent. i realize that you are perhaps making weather references and turbulence fits, but tumultuous i think has a better ring to it. and maybe they are not a single fight, but many: "...engagged in such tumultuous fights" 4th line: lose "by". a little smoother rhythm. and maybe "day AND night". 6th line. "fates" [plural] - to me - needs to be "the Fates". or, you could say "fate befalls." i think "squall" (singular) will still rhyme enough with "befalls". 7th line: comma before "Sunshine". 10th line: needs another syllable? "the pain" or "your pain" would do it. this is another very lovely and touching poem; i like its bittersweet quality. very nicely done. i also realize that my comments are not everyone's taste, so "take what ya want and leave the rest", as it is said in some circles.
Re: 7 Days of Suicide by dragonfly	14-Apr-06/9:20 AM
i think to make this more powerful, you could go all the way through six days. leaving the seventh out would allude to success, maybe. especially with the title talking about 7 days, stopping after only three is selling the idea way short, less than halfway. besides, i want to see what other ideas you come up with... besides bjork's "hyperballad" (a favorite of mine, BTW), there is peter greenaway's film "Drowning by Numbers" which would be a great resource to consider if you want to continue this poem. besides, michael nyman;s music is fantastic to listen to when being creative, like writing and painting, etc. here's the imdb link to the film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092929/ i really would like to see more work on this; i hope i do get the chance before i die. ;P
Re: Maybe I Wasn’t Born on a Fool’s Day by Dovina	14-Apr-06/10:22 AM
self fulfilling prophecy or invented story as the subject of this work? i guess karma at any rate.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Apr-06/3:02 PM
i cannot vote on the poem here, but i do give the waaaaaay off-topic thread above a "10" because its absudity made me laugh harder than i have in a long, long time. note of caution: making more "middle-eastern" commentary may result in poemranker being shut down by the department of homeland security as a <insert t-word here> cell.
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	18-Apr-06/7:34 AM
a wonderful tribute, beautifully crafted. i echo many comments of those before mine. this is bittersweet without being sappy, poignant in just the right doses. very very very well done. a favorite, now.
Re: Sunlighting by ALChemy	18-Apr-06/7:42 AM
i don't see my vote showing up on this one in my favorites anymore. did you edit? if so, i still love it!
Re: A South London Lullaby by Caducus	18-Apr-06/7:59 AM
a torrid subject, to be sure! i feel awful after reading about it; it is like bad news in the papers. i like how the second verse nicely foretells of daddy's exploits in the third verse. and then it leads me to think that maybe she is fulfilling her own destiny? if the second verse is what Mummy sings, i think quotes may help. also, i don't think the last two lines are required. perhaps try changing "Princess" to another word that would convey his infidelity by definition [hint: ends with "-ess"]. the fact that he is buying the flowers means he will do this again, hence the last two lines become superfluous. well written...
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	18-Apr-06/2:21 PM
it works as complexedly as ever, to be sure. i did read this through once and had to cogitate on it a bit and come back again for a second read before commenting. in fact, after reading this i went to work on a villanelle myself, but i cannot publish until tomorrow evening. rrrgh! at first i was suspecting the traditional phoenix myth, which you have captured, but throughout and especially in the last verse led me to believe i was witnessing a successful morning hunt. i am not sure what metaphor the arrow and the cedar bow play in either of the stories. the "swift dart from lava flow" works well for the space shuttle... perhaps the "arrow feathered, hewn from bone" may work to describe the misfortunate end of the astronauts (as well as rhyming a bit more precisely, but i am not picking on the "stone - bow" rhyme, either). a very complex work, and wonderfully chosen words. the images are tangible, yet still morphing into the next line just as they are grasped. also, i took the spelling of "fayre" to be archaic for "fire", or is it - as Dovina noted - for "fair"?
Re: Buddy by ALChemy	18-Apr-06/3:07 PM
wow. this reminds me of a sappy yet somehow tearjerkish poem i read once about the dog as the ever willing servant to the master, licking the hand that beats him, and so on. but, the last line clinches it. the plot twist. leading us along a stray thread only to tie it all in at the end. very nice. however, maybe your master *does* run fingers through your hair, but not literally (oh that's good, since we speak on the written word!). very good.
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	19-Apr-06/4:12 PM
this is so great.... question about line 8: "The flash of early column light"... would this be a little clearer as "The early flash of columnar light"? as in the column of light flashed too early, or it happens early, and beware the flash in general? still amazing, and i know you want to refine it more to carry more meanings... bravo, encore.
Re: A Country Anecdote by Dovina	20-Apr-06/1:46 PM
poignant. line 19 seems a tad too long, had to read it a few times and stick the "our feet" on the next line. i know it is an unnatural break in th line, but line 20 is a little short too, so i guess it helps. other than reworking both lines....
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	20-Apr-06/2:02 PM
interesting and nicely written. i get the impression that the meaning is that you are expecting (spiritual? intellectual?) growth from having read the writings within the mulberry binder? talk about food for thought! all in all, very nice. please do write more...
Re: Watercolor Fairy by Scarlett	20-Apr-06/2:11 PM
like this on a lot. then again, i have done a bit of watercolor and acryllic painting, so i guess i can feel the flow. nice use of color choices and fanciful imagery. you captured the little sprite at work quite nicely.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	28-Apr-06/3:28 PM
hmmm, well. this is another complex read. alas, being friday afternoon and i am on my way home for the weekend, i cannot sit tight enough to think nor read clearly. i will try to get back and comment on this. holding off the vote for now as well. musn't be hasty, now!
regarding some deleted poem...	3-May-06/2:47 PM
interesting. the imagery, to me at least, is all over the map. i cannot figure if he is a baked good, an angel, an explosive, or a cuddly farmyard animal. i guess he is really a daffy-down-dilly? <grin> seriously, this work starts off almost with a resentful tone, a bit too ominous perhaps for a piece that seems to be about the pride and vivacity of the young. i don't know. it just seems rather hastily written, as if the feelings are there but the images are the first ones that occurred to you, rather than ones that were carefully sought to form a cohesive image. i think it could be better; i suggest reworking it a bit.