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7 Days of Suicide (Free verse) by dragonfly Every Sunday morning,
while the family's at church,
I walk up to the mountain
and climb the tallest peak
and dance with the thought of
somersaulting over the edge.
Every Monday night,
while the family's fast asleep,
stomachs full from tv dinners,
I float down the stairs and
into the kitchen and imagine
sticking my head in our unused oven.
Every Tuesday afternoon,
on my way home from school,
I take a detour and pass
the neighborhood train station
where I toy with the idea
of taking a nap on the tracks.
I doubt I need to say more.
You catch my drift, I'm sure.
Up the ladder:
Sonnet on an Operating Table
Down the ladder:
Beth
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: November 7, 2003 2:46 PM PST; Last modified: November 7, 2003 2:46 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.9640274 Overall Rank: 127 Comments:
[7]
ARTIE @ 66.68.146.139
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7-Nov-03/3:53 PM
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Reply
"to dance with the thought of" dealing with the other four days of the week. Dreams... in the night. Big City madness leaves me to ponder the unused oven. I like the "open end".
Awwwwww - we find a Bjork fan in our midst.
Did you throw car parts and cutlery off the peak too? I'm just giving a gentle ribbing (for your pleasure); you've given this some fresh angles.
ya know...i never thought of "hyperballad" when I wrote this. The church is around the corner and the mountain is literaly 2 blocks away. Don't worry. I can't somersault.
i think of ways to commit murder and make it look like a freak accident. everyones different ofcourse, heres a seven.
id hate 2 see ya in the rest o the week - what wud u be doing i hate 2 ponder...But liked ya ideas of childish n simple methods fr suicide. It brings in a strong end of the stick called emotion into the pic..
super wud be a mockery, but good wud be fair:o)
I sometimes walk up the highest peak of a mountain and throw myself off.
Then I realise mountains are not usually shear faces and just roll down.
The oven isn't quite unused if you just made TV dinners, is it? I would allude to the smell of the TV dinners in the oven, "the mixed stink of Hungry Man meatloaf/potatoes/corn/brownie" to show that your narrator is serious enough to open the oven. I wouldn't toy around with train suicide stuff, see my poem "body image" for a fictionalized example of a true story. You know, it throws me off a little that there is no reason given for the suicide ideation, but maybe the reasons for suicide don't work for poetry because they seem too cliche. If this narrator is actually you, as a clinical social worker, I would recommend that you try to find someone to talk to about this stuff. It is usually difficult to get away from that kind of thinking alone, but it seems like you want to, or you wouldn't have told the poemranker audience about "your" (if it is your) suicidal thinking.
lol...my tv dinners are always microwaveable
Funny.
i think to make this more powerful, you could go all the way through six days. leaving the seventh out would allude to success, maybe. especially with the title talking about 7 days, stopping after only three is selling the idea way short, less than halfway.
besides, i want to see what other ideas you come up with... besides bjork's "hyperballad" (a favorite of mine, BTW), there is peter greenaway's film "Drowning by Numbers" which would be a great resource to consider if you want to continue this poem. besides, michael nyman;s music is fantastic to listen to when being creative, like writing and painting, etc. here's the imdb link to the film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092929/ i really would like to see more work on this; i hope i do get the chance before i die. ;P 304 view(s)
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