regarding some deleted poem...	3-Mar-06/7:17 AM
ALRIGHT! Awesome and original...(clap, clap)Very good! I would love to hear this read!
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Mar-06/7:19 AM
I actually added it to my favorites!
Re: Beauty, sleeping by Ranger	3-Mar-06/7:55 AM
This is much more pulled together than the other one! (good editing! Hard to do, sometimes!) It is still alittle awkward right there...needs a smoother transition...maybe something like>? So I left her to stamp and hurl lettuces And the fairies danced To cast a spell at me I dodged and she slept for a hundred years
Re: Spring Rolls by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:21 AM
'of sunshine and rain Containing a multitude of colours Strands of flowers' That's good. To savour the spicy aftertaste Of summer And, that's good.
Re: Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:34 AM
Favorite lines and/or good rythm: Romancing time for peace of mind before his deadly fall to him so fast It crashed and got itself buried in the distant past He clears his mind and considers this Despite the vicious lure of the coffin's hole Rene Descartes fled with his immortal soul Sadly for him, his arrogance showed through He would not run from the State(,) so he paid his due In the bitter cell from which he would not flee The ghost of Christmas Nevermore popped round/ for a cup of hemlock tea It's much too much, it's far too far, Pretence gave up and screamed Take a side, consider well, you can't sit on the fence Because there(')s no(t) such a thing as normal common sense The choice is yours to face the truth/ here within your head But do you at all believe/ a single word I said?
Re: Mannequin (draft) by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:38 AM
I like this! The last stanza is not as well-formed as it might have been, but overall I like this.
Re: A Short Letter by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:46 AM
I liked this right up till "so much coarser"! The rythm is a simplistic one, the rhymes predictable, but it's good, anyway! I would respectfully suggest a fitting ending, that would do this justice.
Re: Frozen Angel by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:55 AM
Favorite places: Whose timeless eyes of long-lost years will watch and wait and show But her day to be praised came centuries ago .... 2nd stanza could be really good with some work. The rythm is just a minute twitch off. ........ stanza 3: I had to giggle at...witty thought. .... stanza 4 the rythm is good...the last line didn't work for me, though. seemed cheesy.
Re: Am I Still Here? by Ranger	3-Mar-06/9:06 AM
Some good images...made me smile...rather disjointed, but consistantly so! I like alot of the lines, the last 8, particularly, sit well.
Re: The North Wind by Ranger	3-Mar-06/9:19 AM
First two lines> good! Some good lines sprinkled here and there. It is not the best poem ever written, but you did attempt to say this 'coming of age' type thing in a unique way. I like the title choice...and to compare the north wind with a longing for a realized need for warmth...that's original.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Mar-06/9:40 AM
wow...I liked this. It held my attention, in a suspectful, hold-your-breath sort of way. Although it's been said before, and in somewhat the same way, it held its own. Word choice could be polished up a bit, though. ie:her back reads like a pulse IN her back, not drawing her back...also, maybe throwing in a beat or some racing veins, or some throbbing...warm blood lulling her to calm, or warm blood racing to pull her calm...something like that would have worked better than 'coolly'.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-May-06/8:37 AM
Very cool...haven't been in to read or post for a while...was refreshing to find this! I would have changed 'is' to was,perhaps...? ("What could have been said is Blanketed by cowardice.) Excellent!
regarding some deleted poem...	23-May-06/9:28 AM
Any ideas for a fitting title?!
Re: Numbers add to nothing by Caducus	23-May-06/9:49 AM
The end fell flat, and rang hollow and disconnected...which is good, in this case! I notice you are an impartial observer all the way until the last line, then you pronounce some sort of judgment on it all. I am not sure of what your judgment is. Does his death change nothing, are you speaking to nothing changes in America because America continues to put people on death row and use capital punishment, or are you saying capital punishment changes nothing and killing goes on as usual? Or that his life and death is nothing because he is nothing? Or that his death changed nothing in the lives of those affected by his murders? I hate having to title things! But that said, I think it needs a better title. I don't mind it the way it is, as it leaves one to question what it is about, and to re=read to try to figure those questions out...which is never fully answered, for the reader. I wouldn't mind it being more clear, in showing your judgment either, though.
Re: Split Me by Sunny	23-May-06/9:53 AM
I'm lost...I couldn't wrap my brain around where you were going with this! There were some good lines, and imagery, though.
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	24-May-06/4:24 PM
The first two lines need punctuation change...kinda stumbled there....Other than that, complex piece here...or you could just read it as association, free-thought/dream piece...either way I think it should appeal to most reading it. Good imagery! An owl with butterfly wings...I like trying to conjure that image.
Re: Shy, quiet by Ranger	24-May-06/4:41 PM
Without the title I would think this was a stage or script act of a storm...I love> "purple rolling pillow sky, clouds Swift glancing light Pause-" The (clever) format forces one to read it in a very cool way...and imagery is fantastic. I like the last two lines, in a literal sense: as in, the Earth spinning away and out of reach of the lightning. I see that you are being so clever/intellectual with the writing you posted while I was out and away. This one is probably not really clear at first reading...or even at all, without the title. Perhaps the lightening should be more direct and less stealthy:)
Re: Descendent by MacFrantic	24-May-06/4:51 PM
The periods/punctuation needs work. (need one after endure?)etc. You get spurts of rythm going, then lose it. drop 'the' @ streets...that line's a tongue twister. willing me to spell...?to cast spells?, and fate is my undoing? is that what is meant there? all as one sentence it doesn't make sense. I can see this written on a subway wall somewhere...
Re: The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	16-Jun-06/10:28 AM
Crashing down makes one think the ride crashed, in the end...which WOULD have taught all those nasty grinners a lesson...but doubt you meant to imply that there. Good job with this! I DO hate to see someone on a ride they thought they would like, only to become distressed...and to think some get their jollies from watching this unfold...disturbing; and well crafted in this piece.
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	16-Jun-06/10:40 AM
Oh...Oh my...this has to be one of my favorites. Hauntingly beautiful, and beautifully crafted. Lovely, lovely. All but the line: "Which would scatter like a broken stone" change that and you get my 10...keep it, and get a high 9 :) Have I ever told you I am in lust with your mind, at moments like this?