Re: Spinning, reeling by ecargo	19-Jan-06/12:57 PM
More of a punchline than a gut-punch ending. Pretty decent political rant though. Here's what I mean by gut-punch: "We got around to the subject of war again and I said that, contrary to his attitude, I did not think that the common people are very thankful for leaders who bring them war and destruction. "Why, of course, the people don't want war," Goering shrugged. "Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship." "There is one difference," I pointed out. "In a democracy the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States only Congress can declare wars." "Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country." " -- From Gustave Gilbert's Nuremberg Diary interviewing Nazi war criminal Herman Goering from his cell during the Nuremberg trials.
Re: Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera	19-Jan-06/1:07 PM
"Dying is easy. Comedy is hard." --The last dying words of Sir Donald Wolfit after one of his young actors said to him: "Sir Donald, after a life so filled with success and fame, dying must be hard"
Re: A comedian at nearly midnight by MacFrantic	19-Jan-06/1:11 PM
"Laughter swells into our smiles" is a throw away line, so throw it away. "Fuck Shoes" would have been a great title.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jan-06/1:17 PM
This poems is lost in a limbo between lyric and prose. Pick one (I suggest lyric) and edit and you'll really have something.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jan-06/1:32 PM
Well written. Nothing about it is likely to stick with me I'm afraid.
Re: Pain, I Curse Thee by woodstock20000	19-Jan-06/1:41 PM
I haven't heard a more redundant cry of anguish since, "Damn, you all, to hell!" or one of my favorites, "KAAAAHN!".
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	19-Jan-06/3:00 PM
Good. Play around with the line breaks a little more. See if you can get any added effect from them.
Re: May I Help by Dovina	20-Jan-06/12:13 AM
Nice. I'm not a girl so I can't identify with it but nice.
Re: Cold-Blooded Pillow by drnick	20-Jan-06/12:24 AM
Do you mean "Inevitability"? Is this poem supposed to make you sound like some kind of bad-ass or supreme evil doer?
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	20-Jan-06/10:50 AM
I bearded black Jesus with tape So he can't snitch 'bout the nun I raped I shoved up her chaste buns an old sawed off shotgun and then-BOOM!-whoops my mistake.
Re: What is it about brothers? by Tara57	20-Jan-06/2:24 PM
I have no brothers but two sisters. It pretty much works the same way with them. Go figure.
Re: Everything is Nothing by Donne With Life	20-Jan-06/2:40 PM
Here's a 10. Don't kill yourself.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jan-06/2:42 PM
The longest Haiku I've ever read.
Re: Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo	20-Jan-06/3:07 PM
Well I never! At least not from that end. I'm not that happy with the layout though. Play with it for a while(pun-alert!) and see what comes out. Like: My tongue's loose slide would soon let slip this truth, bruise-blue, kept fast behind these sentinal teeth. We meet, touch, fuck; we seldom speak much more than surface gloss. From niceties to wordless heat we move. Here with your big hand warm on my neck, I swallow words thick with promise, glistening like larva trapped in tissue webs, a palate ridged as a whale's. I'd consume you whole, take you deep, sliding soft as a worm, down down in a sudden gasp.
Re: Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo	21-Jan-06/4:54 AM
Like your new screen name.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Jan-06/6:12 AM
I've invented a word. epirrhemaphobia: Fear of adverbs. You did use at least one though. It just seems like a common thing in a lot of poems posted here. "scent the smell" comes across redundant and the best way I can think of to fix it is "In the air are the scents of many creatures good to eat;". I would lose the "Children's flesh" line. It goes a little too far and paints the leopard as almost pervertedly evil. I don't think you want to make your leopard the next Scar or Shere Khan. Your strong use of anthropomorphism makes me think that there's got to be some symbolic almost parable like meaning to the poem. The only reason I nitpicked this so much is that the rest of it is so goddamned good that it makes the tiny little flaws and questionable parts that much easier to spot.
Re: On Golden Bond by jmalone	23-Jan-06/8:03 AM
Lose all the "On Golden Pond" references(i.e. Title and last line of stanza 1)and you've got yourself a really good poem.
Re: My Hand of god by drnick	23-Jan-06/8:09 AM
It'd make a good lyric.
Re: A Schizophrenic by amanda_dcosta	23-Jan-06/8:58 AM
This is nice writing but I wished you would have approached it differently. I wish you would've written it in a schizo manner. Like- "He snakes his head, they're in his bed, gibbergarberish. With eyes deep red. he fights and kicks, they shout and spit, And take his family Into their midst. With unhair kept, mood, damnedest He rights his life by hr.-ly tests"... For more of an idea see schizo poet Ernst Herbeck: http://garysullivan.blogspot.com/2005/11/three-more-ernst-herbeck-translations.html http://www.fascicle.com/issue01/Poets/herbeck1.htm
Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	23-Jan-06/9:11 AM
Brilliant and witty. Yes we have been playing a fools game haven't we. You flip-flopped the "is" in "history".