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May I Help (Free verse) by Dovina
I sit before you smiling skirt hiked up and loose above crossed knee with elbow a prop for palm and chin I remember how you drew me back against your chest your hands upon my hips a sunset in the west I wear this laughing smile to show you you remember and still you feel the sadness winning over joy Will you take my pensive offer and prevail above the dark enjoy for one small hour just to satisfy my heart?

Up the ladder: FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX
Down the ladder: A New Deal

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Weighted score: 5.190725
Overall Rank: 4721
Posted: January 19, 2006 3:52 PM PST; Last modified: January 19, 2006 3:52 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 20-Jan-06/12:13 AM | Reply
Nice. I'm not a girl so I can't identify with it but nice.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 20-Jan-06/1:36 PM | Reply
With a name like Alchemy, you must be beautiful or a transvestite. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 20-Jan-06/2:32 PM | Reply
Oh, so transvestites can't be beautiful. Well you must be real popular over there in San Fagsisco.

See I even know the best comebacks to my own remarks.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 20-Jan-06/3:12 PM | Reply
I was a transvestite in a Van Heusen shirt and pants that could have been men’s, legally covered, and wondering why everyone should not wear what he wishes.
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 20-Jan-06/3:18 PM | Reply
OK, now tell me you were making out with a cheerleader at the time and I'll die a happy man. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > ALChemy | 20-Jan-06/3:24 PM | Reply
Yes, but his tutu couldn't keep it all in. Please don't die, so few understand.
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 20-Jan-06/3:26 PM | Reply
Damn, you ruined it. And I was almost there too.
[9] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 | 20-Jan-06/5:04 AM | Reply
Really liked the first verse, nice feel all the way through, last 2 lines warming as well.
[7] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 | 22-Jan-06/8:15 PM | Reply
Good work. Seems to be better than the last couple of piece you've posted here.
[n/a] Prince of Void @ 213.207.224.156 | 23-Jan-06/10:18 AM | Reply
I love how you drew me thorogh the joy of poetry
that's beauty goes to my heart..and I contact ur feelings are restless thorough ur poems
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