Re: My Shattered Love by Silverjackel	25-Feb-06/11:07 PM
The proper spelling would be "Voraciously"
Re: Untouchable by rahson_s	27-Jan-06/5:53 PM
Nice. Consider putting "I am in love with my best friend's daughter" at the beginning, instead of the end. That grabs the reader's attention, and then the rest would make more sense.
Re: a comment on Tree of Life by ALChemy	25-Jan-06/12:49 PM
Maybe not in California.
Re: Clouds by dancin_n_da_moonlite	25-Jan-06/8:19 AM
This sounds like somebody typed up the notes from a therapist's notepad. The only good part is the last stanza, because it posseses a modicum of originality...the rest is one inflated cliche.
Re: Unfortunate Lover by elderking	24-Jan-06/10:57 PM
Nice...I think you need to get rid of some pronouns, clean it up a little. I really like the concept, and the rhyme.
Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	24-Jan-06/11:15 AM
Yay. Really enjoyed this one.
Re: Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo	22-Jan-06/9:47 AM
I don't like the fact that "fuck" is the most powerful word in this poem. It kind of throws off everything else. Probably because the words leading up to it are so much less agressive. I'd just replace it with a synonym. And if it could rhyme with "teeth" that would be awesome.
Re: science by whispern_smoke_wisp	21-Jan-06/10:08 PM
Can we go any deeper than that?
Re: Troublemaker by Patsy	23-May-05/1:18 PM
yay! You are my favorite!
Re: spherical by Patsy	22-May-05/4:22 PM
Yay!
Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu	20-May-05/1:53 PM
I DO know what slake means. I think you have used it poorly here. I know exactly what I am doing with my language, thank you. Read the scores. This one sucks (and I didn't even vote on it)!
Re: To Making Do by Dovina	20-May-05/12:28 PM
Great, except I don't think you need the "I said" in the frist line of the 3rd stanza. Its pretty self-explanitory.
Re: a comment on Talia Eternal by Enkidu	20-May-05/12:26 PM
Why do you have to be so nasty? I was not in any way rude to you in my criticism, I was trying to help. Why are you putting up poetry if you don't want an honest opinion about it? I'll give you an honest opinion. I don't give a fuck about your stupid little vampire brat, she can go fuck herself with a three-foot stake. Your word usage is painfully pretentious, I'm trying to help you see that so people can understand the meaning of your poetry without vomiting. The word slake suggests something liquid, and birds of down cannot conceivably do that. So you could use another word, such as "eased" . Have you tried cracking open a dictionary every once in a while? Shit, man....
Re: Transition by INTRANSIT	20-May-05/7:55 AM
Oooh....you touch my ta la la....(ooooh) my ding ding dong...
Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu	19-May-05/1:43 PM
"slake" is not a good word to use there. Also, get rid of "About her person." I'd try, "About her body" or something else. And I plain just don't understand the part about being "robbed painfully of darkness" that only makes sense to a vampire. It needs a little explaining, for the rest of us.
Re: I'll Be In My Bed, My Grave by longships	17-May-05/5:57 PM
I don't know about you, but....I don't rape my brothers, or my sisters. And I also don't use white powder or brown nicotine. And I don't despise those who seek to be different either...man's only enemy IS himself. Well done. We have no natural predators left, so obviously, the only thing that can kill a person, generally, is another person.
Re: The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos	12-May-05/8:11 PM
Love "How far down the rabbit hole do I want to go?" that is a great line.
Re: Homecoming by Dovina	12-May-05/8:07 PM
What I don't like about this poem is that it intentionally has me guessing as to what happens. If you don't want to tell us what happens, don't write a poem about it. REVEAL the truth, don't mask it.
Re: Spirit In a Temple by peaceseeker	10-May-05/9:01 PM
There are way too many intagible elements in here. I want something concrete, something that exists literally, to grab onto. More of the sweat and blood stuff, throughout.
Re: a comment on The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I thought of a "Dosh" as being thicker than a dash...its creamier, kind of like something between a slosh and a dash. I dunno. Painters will understand :)