on Actor by horus8
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
By the end, I feel as though we've lost the original point. what is "fuck, a beard and a bow?" Is that the voice of the child, realizing the difficulty of pulling that off? And the story about the man...I guess I din't read that book...
on Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
1. I don't understand your choice of link breaks, to me it reads very erratically. 2. You are trying to make a point, which you could do in something that was half as long. 3. Rather than just spout them off. Think about how your individual words sound. Think about making this a POEM. Not bad for a start, with some editing, I think you'd have something.
on Waffleman by Stephen Robins
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
Again, I absolutely despise your work. And I know you'll take that as a compliment.
on Savor Your Tasteful, Tasteless Morsel by nothingtoanyone
3 May 2005, 6:18 AM
How is it that you can say something as eloquent as "pain be waiting at the end of my arm bearers knock" and start off with something as clunky and lame as "basically playing at the strings of me heart's true feelings." Do you see the difference? Take a deep breath and strive to be consistent.
on The benefit of being realistic by Jeremi B. Handrinos
30 Apr 2005, 12:07 PM
what can I say? I'm a fan.
on Hamlet's Horniness by Sashaclese
20 Apr 2005, 12:16 PM
no
on The Little Merman by avery
20 Apr 2005, 12:14 PM
I really, really like this poem, although I can definitely see that you have too good of a vocabulary to be stuck with things like "Abyss" and the picture-kissed her part.
on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina
10 Apr 2005, 9:28 PM
I like the subject matter, but I would re-do the ending, it seems a bit hurried.d