on some deleted poem
15 May 2005, 9:32 PM
Well done.
on I'll Be In My Bed, My Grave by longships
17 May 2005, 5:57 PM
I don't know about you, but....I don't rape my brothers, or my sisters. And I also don't use white powder or brown nicotine. And I don't despise those who seek to be different either...man's only enemy IS himself. Well done. We have no natural predators left, so obviously, the only thing that can kill a person, generally, is another person.
on Talia Eternal by Enkidu
19 May 2005, 1:43 PM
"slake" is not a good word to use there. Also, get rid of "About her person." I'd try, "About her body" or something else. And I plain just don't understand the part about being "robbed painfully of darkness" that only makes sense to a vampire. It needs a little explaining, for the rest of us.
on Transition by INTRANSIT
20 May 2005, 7:55 AM
Oooh....you touch my ta la la....(ooooh) my ding ding dong...
on some deleted poem
20 May 2005, 7:56 AM
YOU TOUCH MY TRA LA LA, MY DING DING DONGGGGGGGGGGGGG
on To Making Do by Dovina
20 May 2005, 12:28 PM
Great, except I don't think you need the "I said" in the frist line of the 3rd stanza. Its pretty self-explanitory.
on Talia Eternal by Enkidu
20 May 2005, 1:53 PM
I DO know what slake means. I think you have used it poorly here. I know exactly what I am doing with my language, thank you. Read the scores. This one sucks (and I didn't even vote on it)!
on some deleted poem
22 May 2005, 7:42 PM
eeeuuuwwww.........
on Troublemaker by Patsy
23 May 2005, 1:18 PM
yay! You are my favorite!
on some deleted poem
21 Jan 2006, 10:05 PM
You should check out a poem called "Panther" by Rainer Maria Rilke.
on science by whispern_smoke_wisp
21 Jan 2006, 10:08 PM
Can we go any deeper than that?
on Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo
22 Jan 2006, 9:47 AM
I don't like the fact that "fuck" is the most powerful word in this poem. It kind of throws off everything else. Probably because the words leading up to it are so much less agressive. I'd just replace it with a synonym. And if it could rhyme with "teeth" that would be awesome.
on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT
24 Jan 2006, 11:15 AM
Yay. Really enjoyed this one.
on Unfortunate Lover by elderking
24 Jan 2006, 10:57 PM
Nice...I think you need to get rid of some pronouns, clean it up a little. I really like the concept, and the rhyme.
on Clouds by dancin_n_da_moonlite
25 Jan 2006, 8:19 AM
This sounds like somebody typed up the notes from a therapist's notepad. The only good part is the last stanza, because it posseses a modicum of originality...the rest is one inflated cliche.
on some deleted poem
25 Jan 2006, 8:22 AM
absolutely disgusting.
on Untouchable by rahson_s
27 Jan 2006, 5:53 PM
Nice. Consider putting "I am in love with my best friend's daughter" at the beginning, instead of the end. That grabs the reader's attention, and then the rest would make more sense.
on some deleted poem
10 Feb 2006, 11:46 AM
Danielle Steel.
on My Shattered Love by Silverjackel
25 Feb 2006, 11:07 PM
The proper spelling would be "Voraciously"