| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-May-05/9:32 PM |
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| Re: I'll Be In My Bed, My Grave by longships |
17-May-05/5:57 PM |
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I don't know about you, but....I don't rape my brothers, or my sisters. And I also don't use white powder or brown nicotine. And I don't despise those who seek to be different either...man's only enemy IS himself. Well done. We have no natural predators left, so obviously, the only thing that can kill a person, generally, is another person.
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| Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu |
19-May-05/1:43 PM |
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"slake" is not a good word to use there. Also, get rid of "About her person." I'd try, "About her body" or something else. And I plain just don't understand the part about being "robbed painfully of darkness" that only makes sense to a vampire. It needs a little explaining, for the rest of us.
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| Re: Transition by INTRANSIT |
20-May-05/7:55 AM |
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Oooh....you touch my ta la la....(ooooh) my ding ding dong...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-May-05/7:56 AM |
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YOU TOUCH MY TRA LA LA, MY DING DING DONGGGGGGGGGGGGG
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| Re: To Making Do by Dovina |
20-May-05/12:28 PM |
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Great, except I don't think you need the "I said" in the frist line of the 3rd stanza. Its pretty self-explanitory.
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| Re: Talia Eternal by Enkidu |
20-May-05/1:53 PM |
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I DO know what slake means. I think you have used it poorly here. I know exactly what I am doing with my language, thank you. Read the scores. This one sucks (and I didn't even vote on it)!
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| Re: spherical by Patsy |
22-May-05/4:22 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-May-05/7:42 PM |
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| Re: Troublemaker by Patsy |
23-May-05/1:18 PM |
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yay! You are my favorite!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-Jan-06/10:05 PM |
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You should check out a poem called "Panther" by Rainer Maria Rilke.
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| Re: science by whispern_smoke_wisp |
21-Jan-06/10:08 PM |
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Can we go any deeper than that?
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| Re: Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo |
22-Jan-06/9:47 AM |
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I don't like the fact that "fuck" is the most powerful word in this poem. It kind of throws off everything else. Probably because the words leading up to it are so much less agressive. I'd just replace it with a synonym. And if it could rhyme with "teeth" that would be awesome.
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| Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT |
24-Jan-06/11:15 AM |
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Yay. Really enjoyed this one.
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| Re: Unfortunate Lover by elderking |
24-Jan-06/10:57 PM |
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Nice...I think you need to get rid of some pronouns, clean it up a little. I really like the concept, and the rhyme.
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| Re: Clouds by dancin_n_da_moonlite |
25-Jan-06/8:19 AM |
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This sounds like somebody typed up the notes from a therapist's notepad. The only good part is the last stanza, because it posseses a modicum of originality...the rest is one inflated cliche.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
25-Jan-06/8:22 AM |
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| Re: Untouchable by rahson_s |
27-Jan-06/5:53 PM |
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Nice. Consider putting "I am in love with my best friend's daughter" at the beginning, instead of the end. That grabs the reader's attention, and then the rest would make more sense.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Feb-06/11:46 AM |
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| Re: My Shattered Love by Silverjackel |
25-Feb-06/11:07 PM |
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The proper spelling would be "Voraciously"
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