Comments byAlizarin_Crimson, 21–40 back. Include replies

on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina 10 Apr 2005, 9:28 PM
I like the subject matter, but I would re-do the ending, it seems a bit hurried.d
on The Little Merman by avery 20 Apr 2005, 12:14 PM
I really, really like this poem, although I can definitely see that you have too good of a vocabulary to be stuck with things like "Abyss" and the picture-kissed her part.
on Hamlet's Horniness by Sashaclese 20 Apr 2005, 12:16 PM
no
on The benefit of being realistic by Jeremi B. Handrinos 30 Apr 2005, 12:07 PM
what can I say? I'm a fan.
on Savor Your Tasteful, Tasteless Morsel by nothingtoanyone 3 May 2005, 6:18 AM
How is it that you can say something as eloquent as "pain be waiting at the end of my arm bearers knock" and start off with something as clunky and lame as "basically playing at the strings of me heart's true feelings." Do you see the difference? Take a deep breath and strive to be consistent.
on Actor by horus8 3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
By the end, I feel as though we've lost the original point. what is "fuck, a beard and a bow?" Is that the voice of the child, realizing the difficulty of pulling that off? And the story about the man...I guess I din't read that book...
on Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart 3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
1. I don't understand your choice of link breaks, to me it reads very erratically. 2. You are trying to make a point, which you could do in something that was half as long. 3. Rather than just spout them off. Think about how your individual words sound. Think about making this a POEM. Not bad for a start, with some editing, I think you'd have something.
on Waffleman by Stephen Robins 3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
Again, I absolutely despise your work. And I know you'll take that as a compliment.
on some deleted poem 8 May 2005, 10:12 AM
Love the use of rhyme with laughin and splashing. I like the latter half, and the beginning. THe middle falls short, I think, of the overall message.
on Spirit In a Temple by peaceseeker 10 May 2005, 9:01 PM
There are way too many intagible elements in here. I want something concrete, something that exists literally, to grab onto. More of the sweat and blood stuff, throughout.
on Homecoming by Dovina 12 May 2005, 8:07 PM
What I don't like about this poem is that it intentionally has me guessing as to what happens. If you don't want to tell us what happens, don't write a poem about it. REVEAL the truth, don't mask it.
on The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos 12 May 2005, 8:11 PM
Love "How far down the rabbit hole do I want to go?" that is a great line.
on some deleted poem 14 May 2005, 5:36 PM
Although I am a little confused as to whose voice this is, I like this poem a lot. Big fan of the "o my god," its funny.