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Transition (Haiku) by INTRANSIT Crane stands in downpour
poke poke poke fishing for crab
as sun burns through clouds.
Up the ladder:
Home
Down the ladder:
The Stair
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: May 18, 2005 5:51 PM PDT; Last modified: May 18, 2005 5:51 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5710 Comments:
[7]
deleted user @ 81.69.23.196
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18-May-05/7:05 PM
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Reply
Last line is a bit of a disappointment. I know; it's a haiku. Nevertheless, nevertheless...
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.204
> deleted user
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18-May-05/7:18 PM
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Reply
Is it a disappointment because the title is a bit of a giveaway maybe?
[7]
deleted user @ 81.69.23.196
> INTRANSIT
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18-May-05/7:22 PM
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Ah, the title...suddenly I see it in a different light. I'll upgrade the vote
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.204
> deleted user
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18-May-05/7:34 PM
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Not necessarily...I was originally thinking having the clouds dissipating would be better. Then I chickened out. Endings. My Achilles' heel.
I don't think haiku should have something to give away. The universe is not to be tricked. Then again, I don't have a real taste for haiku. They're a bit like sushi to me - I'll aways look around for more.
I always wondered how to get seven beats in the second line. Now I know.
Oooh....you touch my ta la la....(ooooh) my ding ding dong...
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