Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	23-Jan-06/2:54 PM
No, it's like she says, I am poerfect, and anyoine who thinks otherwise cah shtilk it.
Re: Temporary moments by Prince of Void	23-Jan-06/2:48 PM
I like the start of this, but it degrades as it goes on. Let me do a little alchemy: Deep inside the grieves of moments On early morning light of dawn Breaking upon the waves of sea Deep within the dream of me The path that led to show What time can sometimes bring That led to ruin and Empty moments flowing over past Rising, falling dying in me All this time I had what I couldn't see Beyond my senses, what I grieve Was to know why you are gone All l loved was you Still you … All this time what I have done... Was to draw you back again Waiting thorough a million tears This ocean of time can be something If only to see me now
Re: On Golden Bond by jmalone	23-Jan-06/2:35 PM
The first two lines of Verse 2 are good, but I don't understand the last two.
Re: My Hand of god by drnick	23-Jan-06/2:23 PM
This is really good, and vindicates the one who I thought might be a psycho in your last poem. I especially like Verse 2 because it conveys in a very subtle way something I've heard said in very preachy texts and to less effect.
Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	23-Jan-06/2:16 PM
Me too.
Re: When God is Needed No More by ALChemy	23-Jan-06/2:15 PM
Recently, you told me you were happy that a new poem I had posted was not about God. Had to chuckle. This has a nice rhythm at the start, which seems to crumble a bit toward the end. A climax comes at, "Could we not then go on godless?" Of course I could say you are preaching, not showing, but I like preaching sometimes, and this is not too preachy. I understand "Surely such reward’s deserved" to mean "reward is" but "surely He deserves reward" sounds better to me. "For it is in God’s plan" seems like it needs "good" or something before "plan" for rhythm's sake. "and to send forth his good children" seems bland, I dunno. Try "some" in "Nor dream truth of any hereafter" instead of "any." The lone period after "best" seems awkward, it's the only one; likewise the comma after "wisdom." "that sees"? - try "who sees".
Re: a comment on In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	23-Jan-06/1:44 PM
Yeah, that's pretty good. It missed "traveling" though, and showed me "schtick" can have a "ck" or just a "k".
Re: In praise of racism by INTRANSIT	23-Jan-06/10:44 AM
I suppose there’s no spell checkers in truck stops, so I’ll forgive “traveling” “hsitory's” “idiosyncracies” “schtick” and “Sechuan.” The funky spacing is a little harder.
Re: A Schizophrenic by amanda_dcosta	23-Jan-06/10:34 AM
Sorry for my comment on your last one. I see now that you do want critique, and so I’ll give it. First, the basics: “unkept” should be “unkempt” I think, just to be traditional. And “labeled” should be “labeled.” Now for the gritty: “Mood, not his best, he lives his life, a real test” How does living his life as a test relate to his current mood? Maybe you did it like that just for the rhyme and to sound poetic. That's a blunt conclusion, and I'll retract if you show me how the sentence says something important. The following sentence, “Alas . . .” is a little sermon that could be better shown. (Actually, the last three verses are a sermon, and that’s not bad, except that I think giving more reasons for your conclusions would make them more palatable.) The next sentence, “He’s crying . . .” is better, but “want” should be “wants.”
Re: a comment on a week off by hendrimike	21-Jan-06/10:53 AM
Even though you removed my favorite line, I think that overall this is an improvement. Check the spelling.
Re: a comment on Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo	20-Jan-06/3:43 PM
And some seem unfamiliar, even with comments going back several years, and only a few recent poems, as if maybe they changed their usernames and perhaps deleted the older poems. Okay to turn over a new leaf, but who are they?
Re: a comment on May I Help by Dovina	20-Jan-06/3:24 PM
Yes, but his tutu couldn't keep it all in. Please don't die, so few understand.
Re: Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) by ecargo	20-Jan-06/3:16 PM
Where's she been. I miss getting slapped around.
Re: a comment on May I Help by Dovina	20-Jan-06/3:12 PM
I was a transvestite in a Van Heusen shirt and pants that could have been men’s, legally covered, and wondering why everyone should not wear what he wishes.
Re: a comment on Cold-Blooded Pillow by drnick	20-Jan-06/2:05 PM
Yeah, this is way too scary. I hope you mean it some metaphorical way and not the way it sounds.
Re: Everything is Nothing by Donne With Life	20-Jan-06/1:56 PM
How much is infinity minus infinity? How about infinity minus 1?
Re: a comment on May I Help by Dovina	20-Jan-06/1:36 PM
With a name like Alchemy, you must be beautiful or a transvestite. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
Re: a comment on "By your side" by jontod	19-Jan-06/5:49 PM
and "return not evil for evil to anyone," not even rockmage.
Re: "By your side" by jontod	19-Jan-06/5:45 PM
"broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." A good take on this. A prose poem, not free verse.
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	19-Jan-06/3:12 PM
Do you mean Frederick Illinois?