Re: season #3 by oneglove	14-Oct-04/6:56 PM
A good take on fall, except for "frigid air conquest / Distant flames battle." Maybe something about flames in the wood stove instead. Welcome to Poemranker.
Re: Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom	14-Oct-04/5:52 PM
Adolescence hits boys harder than girls. We bleed a little and breasts pop out, but boys are crazed with madness.
Re: a comment on Archivist of Emotion by Dovina	14-Oct-04/5:28 PM
Illumined means illuminated. How is it forced?
Re: Shattered by Aetius	14-Oct-04/5:05 PM
I agree that the punctuation is not needed. Haikus are supposed to be 5-7-5, thus the "There are" in line 2. But those words are so trite here that I'd omit them. Otherwise good.
Re: Library Window by steven adams	14-Oct-04/3:56 PM
In Verse 1, the two couplets seem unrelated until I get to the last line of Verse 2. The first 2 lines of Verse 2 seem choppy and wordy. It's a good thought, but you might want to consider rearranging the lines.
Re: a comment on Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina	14-Oct-04/3:36 PM
Thank you.
Re: a comment on Schisms by Dovina	14-Oct-04/10:59 AM
You are too kind. I shall try as best my humble efforts can to incorporate your suggestion. BROGUEISM: In London pubs we listen For brogue truth we need While the pavement tells another tale Unthinkable, unseen Practicality plays to an empty house. Sneakered feet of distance walkers, Appreciated, not inspected Speaking truths to peasants To look with fashion eyes Clouded dim by lack of blisters Trust and obey We’ll show you the way
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	12-Oct-04/4:54 PM
Yea, that's sadly right. We can be tough in business, then come home and whine for attention. When he gives it, we complain it's not sincere and come to poemranker with our whiny missives.
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	12-Oct-04/4:43 PM
I like it. -10- especailly "virtue of tininess."
Re: Locomotive's Graveyard by longships	12-Oct-04/4:36 PM
I like this description and the "memories of those who once cared." Comma after reminiscing. Do pistons ever compress? Are coal holds really tinder cars? If so how do they stare?
Re: She Crab by http://mulberryfairy	12-Oct-04/4:30 PM
A nice description of the crab, except for "too too solid flesh." I'm trying to see it as a metaphor. Wish I could.
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	12-Oct-04/3:29 PM
He's listening. Go on.
Re: Life's Vision Altered by Katzclear	12-Oct-04/11:00 AM
Try a spell checker. Some good thoughts here. Suicide is selfish and unkind!
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	12-Oct-04/10:45 AM
Spoken like my father when he caught me in the cookie jar. It was because he loved cookies and felt them trickling away. No connection, I'm sure.
Re: I Cannot Go by TLRufener	11-Oct-04/7:59 PM
Not your best. Too many words. Good thought though.
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	11-Oct-04/7:36 PM
Hywel, -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. and anyone interested in thoughts on multi-interpretations, I read a very short poem once that seemed to come from the same kind of thinking that had gone into some of my writing. I liked it because I felt a kinship with a man known for his heavy drinking and living part of his life as a bum. I was touched that two of us humans so different could come together on this poem of his. ART by Charles Bukowski “At the spirit wanes, the form appears.” I thought how my own spirit wanes after work, relaxing with a glass of wine and the appearance of forms that find expression in written words. It seemed he had caught the notion that the cares of life and business inhibit the creation of art, the very notion I was feeling. The poem inspired me because it expressed something I had thought, but had never been able to say as succinctly as his brief poem. A year or so later I learned what the poet was thinking. He said that he wrote the poem because as the spirit wanes and becomes like a dead thing, a poet turns to forms such as sonnets, villanelles and the like to cover his lack and give the impression of having something to say. It was a slur on poets becoming erudite. What Bukowski meant and what I interpreted were entirely different. I do not say that this is how all poems should come across, only that it’s a way they can. He had his meaning and I interpreted mine. I still think it’s a good poem. I appreciate all your comments and agree that my poem is lacking in the expression of something that to me was a very significant.
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	10-Oct-04/10:21 AM
A very long piece of bull. I am flattered you spent so muh time on this silliness.
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	10-Oct-04/4:24 AM
Pretty dumb is right. This is not real criticism.
Re: a comment on One True Instant by Dovina	9-Oct-04/6:49 PM
I thought you would understand about shoulders standing inert and unpunctuated without understanding of the situation, but aparently not.
Re: Dancing and Talking by steven adams	8-Oct-04/10:18 AM
A really good thought you have here. It could be said stronger with fewer words though.