Re: Drive on by Meler1123	19-Oct-04/12:12 PM
I like the driving rhythm. Too many adjectives in lines like, "Awoken by that loud rumbling sound." -> Awake to rumbles, or something simple like that.
Re: Irreversible by Caducus	19-Oct-04/9:49 AM
Quite good, especially, "the victim of lies became what he despised." I would omit the last 3 lines.
Re: You by Fire_is_cool	19-Oct-04/9:45 AM
The daughter is her daughter's child. On it goes. Well done.
Re: a comment on A Piñon Limb by Dovina	18-Oct-04/3:52 PM
Believe, brother. We are all nothing but pinion limbs, and only us elite pinion-limb experts have a right to talk about it. Thanks for comprising part of the city-dwelling audiance.
Re: Marlowe, Raleigh, INTRANSIT (God speaks) by INTRANSIT	18-Oct-04/2:57 PM
This is the craziest thing I've seen you write, starting with the title. (And btw, welcome back) What on earth are you trying to say with these mushy, flowery, King James words? "and all the world and love are young"? Really! And "enjoyest thee" must surely mean 'enjoy thou.' And "steepy mountain yields" means something I'm sure. "Roses and posies" is a bit lik saying 'women and people.' Oh, yo're pulling our collective legs, aren't you? The last line is lol.
Re: a comment on To Leave a Trace by Dovina	18-Oct-04/2:16 PM
Thank you, I try.
Re: a comment on To Leave a Trace by Dovina	18-Oct-04/12:59 PM
I am hideously insulted that anyone should think they have to ask me not to take something the worng way. I never take anything the wrong way! The purity of my continual rightness in these matters has been worngly interpreted as blandness.
Re: a comment on Fast Dreams by cuddlytiger17	18-Oct-04/11:42 AM
How utterly relevant! She obviously dreams of tramps, eulogizes them.
Re: a comment on Fast Dreams by cuddlytiger17	17-Oct-04/2:21 PM
Yeah, okay, you were running in your dream. If only I'd known.
Re: a comment on To Leave a Trace by Dovina	17-Oct-04/11:44 AM
Sorry to have poured hope into your day. It’s the danger of writing though, the difficulty of completely removing every trace on the day before we die, overlooking something, or getting the timing wrong. God, what will they really say!?
Re: a comment on To Leave a Trace by Dovina	17-Oct-04/11:43 AM
It’s a pipe dream, kinda like heaven. But who knows, maybe they’ll find the good stuff and not the crap. I’d have used a nicer word, but Horus says I’m bland. He can be so sweet sometimes.
Re: Zipmark'd by fevriere	17-Oct-04/11:42 AM
It's cute the way you split the lines and ran some of the words together, but frankly, I think it detracts.
Re: Fast Dreams by cuddlytiger17	17-Oct-04/9:11 AM
I don't see how you race through a dream.
Re: the battle for troy by oneglove	17-Oct-04/9:08 AM
I hate the term, true love. It is love or not, but what is true love? Otherwise, I find this fanciful, but alright in a mushy way.
Re: a comment on To Leave a Trace by Dovina	17-Oct-04/9:01 AM
Thank you, I think. Or is that too bland a way of saying I appreciate and almost like what you are saying?
Re: On Going Blind by Fear of Garbage	15-Oct-04/11:06 AM
I have not seen the painting, but already think I know how it looks from your vivid description. Could you post a link to it?
Re: a comment on Archivist of Emotion by Dovina	15-Oct-04/10:48 AM
Yes, I think that's better, and am even more happy to know that my but is not so big after all.
Re: a comment on Archivist of Emotion by Dovina	14-Oct-04/7:42 PM
I might just end with line 11, might be stronger for being smaller. What's so good about big?
Re: a comment on Schisms by Dovina	14-Oct-04/7:21 PM
Small
Re: the gold rush by oneglove	14-Oct-04/7:01 PM
She's a lucky girl.