Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

A Piñon Limb (Free verse) by Dovina
Lowland piñons seldom suffer From limbs weighed down with ice, Free from burden added By winter’s glistening jewels. But trees whose seed from crapping raven, Set their roots on higher ground, Where winter rains paint frozen needles, And ice beads brighten the morning sun. I hear a crack in cold of night, And feel a little twang Of long low limb on bushy tree Broken at the base. Substantial diamonds, hard and lasting, Adorn the morning limb, Bejeweled in crystalline stillness Sparkling diamonds, colors bright. Now the colors change again From blue to red to green to gold A spraying fountain, intoxicating dazzle, Spectacle to remember. By afternoon, where once she sparkled, A low limb tastes the dirt From which she came and soon returns. The ice warmed up and left. From many summers, the break has healed. The limb with diminished strength, Pressed low by one night’s weight, Still adds a little growth. A wild and anxious limb For years stood the common tests, But broke without the strength To stand a common Love.

Down the ladder: Mother

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 40
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.571429
Weighted score: 5.6915636
Overall Rank: 1985
Posted: July 7, 2004 9:55 AM PDT; Last modified: July 10, 2004 3:57 PM PDT
View voting details
[10] Shuushin @ | 7-Jul-04/10:52 AM | Reply
Not too shabby at all, nope, not at all.

Because of the length I feel okay picking on a line, this one :"Where winter rains paint frozen needles," needs a meter tweek I think.

But really, it doesn't hurt the thing much - well done.
[n/a] Dovina @ > Shuushin | 7-Jul-04/1:24 PM | Reply
Thanks, and I'll look for a meter tweak.
[10] Shuushin @ > Dovina | 7-Jul-04/1:51 PM | Reply
is that like a porcelain henway?
[n/a] Dovina @ > Shuushin | 8-Jul-04/10:01 AM | Reply
A paradelle satirist.
[10] Shuushin @ > Dovina | 8-Jul-04/10:32 AM | Reply
What's a paradelle satirist??
[n/a] Dovina @ > Shuushin | 8-Jul-04/10:38 AM | Reply
A frustrated poetess who conforms to a corset for the purpose of showing how silly she looks.
[10] Shuushin @ > Dovina | 8-Jul-04/11:12 AM | Reply
Evil contraptions.

(You were supposed to ask me what a porcelain henway was....)
[n/a] Dovina @ > Shuushin | 8-Jul-04/11:15 AM | Reply
I was too embarrassed.
[5] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ | 8-Jul-04/2:59 AM | Reply
I think you should change "By winter’s glistening jewels" to "By winter's glistening jowls." It would make the poem flow more beautifully.
[10] wilco @ | 8-Jul-04/9:06 AM | Reply
People are giving this a hard time, but I rather like it.
[n/a] Dovina @ > wilco | 8-Jul-04/10:02 AM | Reply
So do I. How is that?
[10] wilco @ > Dovina | 8-Jul-04/2:49 PM | Reply
Perhaps we are the enlightened ones. Or, maybe we're just odd.
[n/a] deleted user @ | 8-Jul-04/10:31 AM | Reply
INSIPID Lovely, but I've just had a bath where waters slap across one's bits.
[10] Dan garcia-Black @ | 8-Jul-04/10:59 AM | Reply
You make me a believer. I thought the poem was about a "pinon lamb." It took two reads to understand why the ravens were crapping on the lamb and then Epiphany! It's about trees and nature and all that stuff. I am a city person, I have no idea what you're talking about. But what you say is Bloobyful, excuse me, beautiful.
[n/a] Dovina @ > Dan garcia-Black | 18-Oct-04/3:52 PM | Reply
Believe, brother. We are all nothing but pinion limbs, and only us elite pinion-limb experts have a right to talk about it. Thanks for comprising part of the city-dwelling audiance.
305 view(s)

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2023 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001