Re: a comment on requiem for the dead generation by Prince of Void	1-May-07/4:03 PM
I don't know if "you" means me or your pain; it's a bit ambiguous. And a lot of folks would say both meanings are the same. Anyway, I, too, have already lived and died, and might as well lie down in that open grave. It's an optimistic position where nothing matters very much and all pleasures are possible. Tomorrow, I'll begin that cross-country bicycle trip I've been harping about. Like a homeless person sitting on the street with goals in her eyes, but no plans.
Re: requiem for the dead generation by Prince of Void	1-May-07/9:51 AM
A strangely familiar feeling about the now-ended cold war with Russia. Or is it over? Look at my recent poem in your name.
Re: a comment on The Editor by Dovina	30-Apr-07/3:08 PM
Having caught the flavor of his writing, my tone (outlook) is changed, I begin setting his viewpoint to things in my life that he doesn't know about. I am influenced by him. Thanks.
Re: Worn Ruse by drnick	30-Apr-07/3:03 PM
Is she "in" a worn ruse, or acting it? And if it's worn (as in seen by him before) why is he not seeing through it?
Re: again it happnes by skaskowski	30-Apr-07/2:59 PM
Clean up the first sentence. Quit a whimsy, dream or trip.
Re: Castle of Pandas IV by FreeFormFixation	30-Apr-07/2:53 PM
"awaker" doesn't cut it. And the last two verses wander off somewhere. The first 4 verses are nice.
Re: The Sunnyside of David Uden by lukehanney	30-Apr-07/2:49 PM
Please don't vote for yourself, especially with a 10; and do use apostrophes where grammar demands, not just where you want them. I'd give a 7, but 4 instead, to balance your 10.
Re: a comment on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	27-Apr-07/8:55 PM
And so the bird was freed at last From his humdrum forlorn loneliness He never said goodbye or godspeed Or hope you break out too But flitted off and left us caged Returning now and then to chirp As a bird might do if visiting a zoo
Re: a comment on Ein Kampf by Sasha	22-Apr-07/8:12 PM
The Jews were slaves in Egypt under the Pharaoh, and again in Babylon and Syria. That was a long time ago, not in living memory as you say. So the comparison with France is a matter of time. Admittedly, the French did not displace a people upon their return, as the Jews did in 1946. Most of the citizens of Israel today are only moderately religious; their sometimes abuse of Arabs is mostly otherwise motivated. Still, tyranny is tyranny. But answer this: if Israel laid down all its weapons, what would happen?—annihilation of Israel. If the Arabs laid down all their weapons, what would happen?—peace. You can have the last word on this if you want; I’m going to bed. You’ve brought some good arguments.
Re: a comment on Ein Kampf by Sasha	22-Apr-07/7:17 PM
Alright, I'll grant you sincerity. But the Jews have not been slaves for centuries, except under Hitler. and to call them tyrants is like calling the French tyrants when they returned to France after the occupation. “If I forget thee O Jerusalem...” has been their cry since the long-ago deportation to Babylon. It's a good poem, and I understand it better for your explanation.
Re: a comment on Ein Kampf by Sasha	22-Apr-07/6:35 PM
A whole lot, if you write a lot. And while most of yours are translations of other’s art, the ones you do write MUST show sincerity or you will be considered fake in the long run. That’s probably the truest thing Hitler said. Apparently you’re a Jew looking back at the holocaust, or empathizing with them, and considering the present Gaza. “The son of the slave is a tyrant” rings with less than sincerity. How are Jews the sons of slaves?
Re: Broken Clay by donmiguel1960	16-Apr-07/7:04 PM
There's a good sentiment here that could be a good poem. Get rid of half the commas (faith, that - for example); clean up the grammar; and get rid of excess words (now in the last line, just in the penultimate line) and fix the spelling - families, their.
Re: Divorce by timvick473662003	16-Apr-07/6:56 PM
Wouldn't it mean the same if you shortened it: Start separately Become one She takes all your stuff But then it wouldn't be 5-7-5. Pity.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	15-Apr-07/1:21 PM
I think you want a period after bed in S4. L2,S5 needs a more descriptive last word I think; and "so" is a weak word. Otherwise this is unique and good.
Re: a comment on Prince of Void by Dovina	15-Apr-07/1:10 PM
mocking the prince's void, showing it as here and there, to and fro.
Re: Easter by thetrev	14-Apr-07/6:39 PM
Just vague enough to keep distance, clear enough to intrigue. I love S4.
Re: A touch so real by mr_ice55	11-Apr-07/7:02 PM
If you want the opening to draw people in, then make it make sense like, "Subsiding within myself" Also, reversing the normal order of sentences in two of the last three lines could better be undone. Some good feelings here overall.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	11-Apr-07/10:37 AM
Glad to see you finally got that thing stopped; must have been a long haul. I resent being asked to trim the fat which Stephen so adores, but yes, old architecture and mystery kinda go together without saying so. Actually, this is about her endless talking, which DA so loves, while most men would rather get on with the main event, so the whole thing rambles a bit. Thanks for stopping in a spell.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	11-Apr-07/10:36 AM
It really is a kind of smut, as DA says, and maybe these lines make it too obvious. I’ll consider toning it down for delicate sensibilities.
Re: a comment on Tribeca by Dovina	11-Apr-07/10:35 AM
I have never watched kabaddi; it must be very exciting.