Re: a comment on The Plane of War by MacFrantic	22-Feb-05/2:49 PM
not bad
Re: Pennies by woodstock20000	22-Feb-05/2:47 PM
Scratch the last line. The first 5 lines seem bulky, wordy.
Re: It's a Mammal, Stupid! by D. $ Fontera	22-Feb-05/2:44 PM
No excuse. You start well.
Re: Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet	22-Feb-05/2:42 PM
"layed" in the first line. And I think what we go through for a hunk is more than a hunk goes through to get layed.
Re: Boiled by INTRANSIT	22-Feb-05/2:38 PM
Boiled? But weren't those days in the valley sweet. Until the eruption, the realization of lies. Still it was sweet. Volcanic ash'll do that to an artichoke, as lies to a heart, but hey, shake off that ash, bloom, a little grayly maybe.
Re: a comment on Hunger by Dovina	21-Feb-05/8:43 AM
No cogent arguement intended. Sorry to have bothered you.
Re: The Plane of War by MacFrantic	21-Feb-05/7:52 AM
War is bad. We know that, and unless a poem presents something unusual about it, the thing falls flat.
Re: a comment on Hunger by Dovina	21-Feb-05/7:37 AM
It has only one circular line and may not, by your definition (which I disagree with) be free verse. I’m not big on categories anyway, except the old ones – sonnet, villanelle, etc. Show-don’t-Tell, the ancient war rages.
Re: a comment on Hunger by Dovina	21-Feb-05/7:36 AM
The commas might be needed when it’s put in a circle, just to let a person know where to pause, also to prevent DgB from diddling with it. In the format shown here, you’re probably right.
Re: a comment on Hunger by Dovina	21-Feb-05/7:35 AM
Allow me to explain. "up utensils I indulge in" is to be interpreted “I indulge in up utensils” If you eat them sideways you become a wine lover in Solvang region and get your butt whipped by an irate oriental woman. It’s in your own interest.
Re: a comment on I AM NOT CONTAINED BY THIS UNIVERSE by Prince of Void	20-Feb-05/7:59 PM
Hey dude, whatcha smokin’? I’m trying to be slanderous and obnoxious in long-standing Poemranker propcol, but, hey, we’re having a monsoon here in Southern California. I just got back from a long walk in the last inch of 42 this winter with a stop for a pinot noir. The last monsoon was about 1850 as I recall, the year the entire basin flooded from what we now call Newport all the way to the Los Angeles River and more. We called it the Big Water, but to the Spaniards, well, they had to rename everything kinda Christian, going along with the San Fernando Mission I guess. Anyway, my brave got the wickiup built and we settled in on higher ground – no mission living for us, like all those lilly-liver tribesmen and their weak wasted squaws. No, my brave flips back the flap and saunters in with that “Aala, get ready” look, and well, the rest is karmic transference. Reminds me of the good days listening to Buddha talk about the non-existence of the “I,” - just a fiction really, and the only thing that lasts is karma. I went along with it and meditated deep into myself to find my own truth as the Budda said, but, ya know, that rebirth stuff threw me, still does. Seems to me that if any of that karma stuff really goes into pigs and the like and then back to me, I’d feel piggish, maybe look a bit piggish too. Oh well, if it really works, maybe you really can get your ass clean outa the universe and away from it all. Bon voyage.
Re: a comment on ~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<< by nothingtoanyone	20-Feb-05/6:23 PM
Sorry, not much better. Try again.
Re: ~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<< by nothingtoanyone	20-Feb-05/7:01 AM
We all know this is not a Shakespearian style poem. You used a few old English words for some reason, which zodiac picked-up on to ridicule you. It’s what he does – finds some insignificant aspect of your poem to bash, while ignoring the thrust of what you’re trying to communicate. If you are showing us cupid’s sting, as the title suggests, then the arrow has missed its mark, at least to my understanding. Start with getting the spelling and grammar so they say what you mean – “northern” “breathe a breath” “wherefore is the desire thou desirest” After fixing these, look at the things you are saying too many times. “wherefore is the desire thou desirest” could be simply “wherefore is the desire” and “breathe a breath, a breath of blood” could be “breathe a breath of blood.” Then look at your images and metaphors. Does “moss-ridden mule” say what you want to say? I think this has potential for a good poem.
Re: a comment on Rusty knife to the kidney by INTRANSIT	20-Feb-05/6:33 AM
Suggestion: The poet seems to feel something and finds a unique way of letting me feel something too.
Re: He tells me to imagine... by RION12	19-Feb-05/8:22 PM
Said too plainly. Try for imaginative ways to say it.
Re: On the Lawn by bamf909	19-Feb-05/8:17 PM
Poemranker has been down most of the afternoon and evening. That seems to happen quite often, and in your case explains the lack of initial commentary. Wow, walking out in bare feet on frozen grass just to kiss her. That's great and nicely written. "convalescence" seems strange, try "red and green fuse to one." Welcome aboard.
Re: a comment on The Man I Love by Dovina	19-Feb-05/10:45 AM
As a substitute for sugar, I agree.
Re: a comment on If God Was a Nihilist by baughworm	19-Feb-05/10:32 AM
Yeah, my most recent's a good example - looking at those patched holes in the wall and wondering what pictures hung from those nails, wondering if his unseen life affects mine, if God's at work, or if fate's at work, which come to think of it implies God, doesn't it? Notions to play with with no worries about how addeled they are. Someday I'll become as mature as you and free from addled notions.
Re: a comment on I AM NOT CONTAINED BY THIS UNIVERSE by Prince of Void	19-Feb-05/10:21 AM
Oh, but you are! Go ahead, code it, redefine it, you are, as you say, captivated with words, and they by the universe.
Re: Step Up by Blindpoetry	19-Feb-05/10:16 AM
The first verse is great, but what happens next? Misspelling and misgrammar to be sure, but what are you saying?