Poemranker [Poem: On the Lawn] [by bamf909] Thu Apr 25 03:13:15 PDT 2024

On the Lawn (Other) by bamf909

Frozen blades of icy green stab through the earth and reach my reddened toes. Gusts of chilly air descend upon her reddening nose. Sooner than later, the convalescence of the red and green fuses into one, Christmas-morning kiss, unseen by all, except the grass, except the trees, except the frost and her and me.

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2509

Posted: February 19, 2005 3:39 PM PST; Last modified: February 19, 2005 3:39 PM PST
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Comments:

[9] Dovina @ 12.72.12.72 | 19-Feb-05/8:17 PM | Reply

Poemranker has been down most of the afternoon and evening. That seems to happen quite often, and in your case explains the lack of initial commentary.

Wow, walking out in bare feet on frozen grass just to kiss her. That's great and nicely written. "convalescence" seems strange, try "red and green fuse to one."

Welcome aboard.

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