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Rusty knife to the kidney (Free verse) by INTRANSIT
She asked him what the color of her eyes were. He said "Aren't they usually red?" Her reply? "Heres your engagement ring, and your rib."

Down the ladder: Pills

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.0596013
Overall Rank: 6696
Posted: February 19, 2005 5:46 AM PST; Last modified: March 20, 2005 4:29 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.10.8 | 19-Feb-05/6:36 AM | Reply
Wow, bet he never fixates again. Comes from the Bible story about woman made from the rib of man. Had to laugh, hope you meant it funny.
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.138 > Dovina | 19-Feb-05/7:39 AM | Reply
When I thought of it, I laughed too. Then a Grinch like grin came over me. But is it poetry? Would Ezra Pound laugh at it?
Or would he laugh at it.
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.8.90 > INTRANSIT | 19-Feb-05/10:12 AM | Reply
Don't know about Ezra, but the guy with a rustily severed kidney isn't laughing. To me it's poetry. Can't say why, just is.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.14.17 > Dovina | 20-Feb-05/5:26 AM | Reply
Suggestion: Because it's short, oddly indented, and has the smell of aphorism about it.
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.14.78 > zodiac | 20-Feb-05/6:33 AM | Reply
Suggestion: The poet seems to feel something and finds a unique way of letting me feel something too.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.14.17 > Dovina | 22-Feb-05/5:22 AM | Reply
Sorry, that's no qualification for poetrye.

To clarify: Take the sentence above. Do I seem to have felt something? Yes, of course. I felt sorry. Did I find a unique way of expressing it? Yes. I intentionally spelled poetry in an odd kind of quaint way. Does it let you feel something too? If there's any reason to the universe, yes. Put-off, indignant, or somewhat justified in whatever preconceived notions you're harboring about my personality or procreative abilities, probably.

Maybe you mean, The POET seems to feel something and finds a unique way blah blah blah. Is this a poem because INTRANSIT, a poet, wrote it? Not in any kind of universe I want to exist in!
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.10.2 > zodiac | 22-Mar-05/10:08 AM | Reply
It is poetry or poetrye because INTRANSIT wrote it and because I have found most of his poems uniquely saying things I understand and relate to. This one in particular is terse, masculine, and tight. Go ahead and tell me about my sexual attraction based on what I just said. Everythiung is sexual; I can only speak from a sexual position. If you live in a universe where that's not the case, I have no objection.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.211 > Dovina | 23-Mar-05/4:10 AM | Reply
From what sexual position are you speaking?
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.11.19 > zodiac | 23-Mar-05/6:22 AM | Reply
None at the moment, but thank you for asking.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.211 > Dovina | 24-Mar-05/3:39 AM | Reply
"I can only speak from a sexual position" - Dovina
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.11.135 > zodiac | 24-Mar-05/7:34 AM | Reply
Try "point of view." Maybe you'll find it easier to understand.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.34 > Dovina | 25-Mar-05/9:43 PM | Reply
No, no. Of course I understand. It's just funny you said "I can only speak from a sexual position." Kind of gave me, you know, a mental picture.
[9] Dovina @ 12.72.4.183 | 21-Mar-05/6:51 AM | Reply
I liked it better before, but still good.
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