Re: Go now if you want it. by Fayt	7-May-05/6:55 AM
"Faith in the face of light" is the basis of all such hocus-pocus. I hope you mean this as satire.
Re: Fate by Fayt	7-May-05/6:47 AM
If this is true, you can do anything you want because it is not you making the choice, and nobody is responsible.
Re: a way to pass time by unknown^user	7-May-05/6:40 AM
He says its good because you've written about him, his world, no longer listening, indefinite, but still real. Hey, this really is good. I've raised my vote.
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	6-May-05/12:06 PM
A few too many words - supreme in line 2, of in line 6
Re: Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart	3-May-05/2:29 PM
An essay made to look like a poem. A prose poem at best.
Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee	3-May-05/2:29 PM
A tale well told, but I always look for the twist, the irony, the lesson, or the laugh. Still looking.
Re: a way to pass time by unknown^user	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Not enough poetic character. Call it an esay.
Re: fake by eliznhaz	3-May-05/2:29 PM
"to" should be "too." "abandon" should be "abandoned." "beatin" should be "beaten." That's as far as I'm going.
Re: a comment on Racism by Dovina	3-May-05/2:29 PM
"Six" is arbitrary, maybe three to match belly, head and heart. "Tiger's" means "tiger has." Maybe I'll change it to "When a tiger rips your arm off." Thanks.
Re: a comment on Home by Dovina	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Good call on the cap. "Then" and "finally" are admittedly extra. I was trying for a sense of sequence, but that may not be needed. Thanks.
Re: a comment on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	2-May-05/4:14 PM
Now that you mention it, yes. I see a way of coping and transferance, and it comes accross strong. Perhaps trying to say more is too much for one poem.
Re: Walking Out by NoSage	1-May-05/4:56 PM
The title seems contrary. If you plan to help him/her through something and be a friend, you will not walk out.
Re: Requiem by ChaseValentine	1-May-05/4:52 PM
Overwritten, for effect no doubt, but the last lines are good.
Re: In the aspens by sliver	1-May-05/4:47 PM
I am not getting how the printing of poetry mocks mother nature here in the aspens. And how do we shout weaknesses that are previously unparalleled (unshouted or unfelt)? Incomplete sentence: "As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues." Aspen leaves are yellow in the fall, so how do leaves of every color litter the ground? But like Mulberry says, the next lines are good. Sorry, I'm picky today.
Re: A Simple Band of Metal by TLRufener	1-May-05/4:36 PM
"A vow without words" seems a more sentimental title. I'd like to see the "ever" taken out of "clear and ever true" and "laways" from "I will always love you" because the present night is good - why complicated it. And please make "your" yours in "And your and mine have become ours." The ambiguity of "less than precious stone" makes it all the more appealing.
Re: Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	30-Apr-05/11:09 AM
"Nightmare", "Avoidnace" possible titles. What we do to obliterate him and his power.
Re: a comment on Returning by Dovina	30-Apr-05/9:40 AM
I will tentatively accept that we are entering some new period of getting along. But you must understand that I am like the wary person attacked by tigers in my recent poem "Racism." If I write such a didactic poem as a person claiming that content and meaning are the prime ingrediaents for judging her own writing's worth, it behooves me to heed my own words. The title is "Racism" but the message is broader. My favorite of my poems is usually the most recent, unless the recent one is intintionally silly or retribution or parody or some such. I write several poems in an average week, and usually the one I post after the obligatory two-day wait is the most recent. "Racism" is currently my favorite. A poem can be self-contradictory and still a good poem. Matters of belief and emotion often conflict with logic and often work better when they do. I rate a poem most highly when it settles as true on some level, and even higher if its truth is well presented. "Check and mate" is so self-congratultory an arogant, a reversal to what I have learned to expect.
Re: a comment on Racism by Dovina	30-Apr-05/9:02 AM
Maybe the cumbersome wording is from lack of punctuation. I'm trying to do entirely without it here in hope that readers will pause at the end of each line. Please let me know if reading it that way does not help.
Re: a comment on Returning by Dovina	30-Apr-05/6:58 AM
Both are good concerns, neither above the other. But your new leaf turning over, or maybe pretentiously so, is cause for concern.
Re: a comment on Returning by Dovina	30-Apr-05/6:36 AM
We have different criteria for judging goodness, or best. I did not really mean that my formatic, but senseless "Paradelle of Progress" was my best, only that you might think it so because of form. What you say here about good rhymes and not contradicting yourself, confirms that your concern is form while mine is content.