Re: Beggar by MacFrantic	4-Aug-07/10:03 AM
Please stop writing about this woman on a bicycle, crossing America coast to coast, now three-fourths of the way from Virginia to California. I can relate to much of the sentiment in this. What are you riding?
Re: a comment on Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	4-Aug-07/9:43 AM
Do you mean "shades of white"?
Re: The End of The Deathly Hallows by John Rambo	22-Jul-07/7:34 PM
Potter is overblown! A good way to get kids to read though.
Re: Dying Candle by cheese.doodles	22-Jul-07/7:33 PM
A good metaphor for something, but what? I can think of several twists. As it stands, you only describe the dying candle.
Re: a comment on Song by Christof	21-Jul-07/5:11 PM
But indeed you are a freak if you come unglued at a lovely interaction of bird and baby. If you were thinking something else and writing this, I cannot read you unwritten thoughts. I am not anti-Darwinist unless you mean the religion of Darwinism, not the theory.
Re: a comment on Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina	21-Jul-07/5:05 PM
Well that explains it.
Re: a comment on Summer Festival by Christof	17-Jul-07/3:34 PM
That's the most constructive thing you have ever said. Not the funniest though.
Re: The Time-Winder's Lullaby by PsydewaysTears	17-Jul-07/3:29 PM
How can a sin know anything? Otherwise nice.
Re: Song by Christof	17-Jul-07/3:25 PM
"elocuted bitterness" is a nice expression, but I balk at believing that anyone would think that under this circumstance. The rest is nice.
Re: a comment on Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina	17-Jul-07/3:20 PM
Why would anyone add "s" to "men" and "women," words that are already plural? Bowls!
Re: a comment on Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina	15-Jul-07/5:15 PM
Yes, and thank you for asking. You may also suggest that both men and women should be required to grow facial hair.
Re: Coffee House Adjacent by Enkidu	13-Jul-07/8:49 AM
I think it would be stronger with fewer words. "then to" "to each other" "there is" - What do these add?
Re: a comment on Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina	13-Jul-07/8:35 AM
She’s not like this girl.
Re: a comment on Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina	13-Jul-07/8:34 AM
How about “for coffee, donut, sweet and black” for Line 7, and let the double meanings ride? Thanks.
Re: On and On and On by MacFrantic	11-Jul-07/10:08 AM
Yes, it's an undisciplined rant. But I like: So I'm a disaster A miserable hackneyed bore And my mind's a whore Describes a "poet" writing to please masses.
Re: Blanket Weed by Christof	11-Jul-07/9:57 AM
I think you can lose "First." Comma after water. The green fleece image for a fish stuffed and mounted on the wall works well, but the complex way you develop it will leave some readers wondering what you mean.
Re: bacardi, tall glass, lots of ice, diet coke by Skamper	11-Jul-07/9:50 AM
"mighty" is just there to get a lucky 7, it seems. In what way is water frosty?
Re: a comment on Dark void by Prince of Void	8-Jul-07/10:06 AM
Must you gush forth with passionate sentiment like "He can feel his heart again"? Don't you know that all is vanity and hopeless, and all we can do is muddle through until we die?
Re: In the maybe by INTRANSIT	7-Jul-07/7:58 PM
"sandpaper days" comes from some song I don't know. If not, it should. 1200 grit is extremely fine, I think, like polishing rouge, which is what the top of some heads look like. How it makes Friday fall short I can't see. Would be nice to carry the metaphor further. comma after hammer. Last 2 verses good.
Re: The Child in The Painting by PsydewaysTears	7-Jul-07/7:45 PM
"There is" seldom works, especially at the start, adds nothing that I can see. "beyond the veil" - what does that mean? I can see this child though, so in spite of too many words, I get it.