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Blanket Weed (Free verse) by Christof First, like my daughter's hair, waving with Ophelia's madness
As my hand twists, a fish in the cold bite of water
Fearing the net and the shrouded enigma
Of the wild banshee weed that chokes the pond;
Then, like a green fleece, oozing and dripping
And slip-slapping as I haul it from water to sun,
Ready to be spun once the bright sighted droplets,
The memories of home, have been dried and undone;
Then hung on the wall like a dead shrivelled newt,
Ready for the compost, a coiled desire
For the water, for the silver scrape of the fish
Pushing through, for the whispered thoughts of the current.
Up the ladder:
Year of the Cucumber
Down the ladder:
Lost
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: July 11, 2007 1:25 AM PDT; Last modified: July 11, 2007 1:25 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5901 Comments:
You've had the Robert Frost touch in your last few posts; this is the only one in my opinion which creates more than a sense of triviality. Very enjoyable, dear chap.
Glad you enjoyed and also, in view of Dovina's comments, understood it. I thought this was one of my best until her comments came back which then made me fear it was horribly obscure, so your comment has encouraged me. I think you're right about it, and about my last things, which have all been loosening up exercises really. Though if they're Frostian loosening up exercises, I can't be too upset.
I think Dovina over-complicated her reading. Sometimes a poeme works better with a light read than a really in-depth analysis of the logic. The critic tends to end up confusing his/herself.
Frost's sonnet "A Soldier" should be required reading by law. 204 view(s)
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Comma after water.
The green fleece image for a fish stuffed and mounted on the wall works well, but the complex way you develop it will leave some readers wondering what you mean.
OK. So is it not clear? I thought that the hair image was plainly referring to the weed - a fish doesn't move like that, and usually isn't green, or fleece-like. Is the hand not clearly enough the fish? I also thought the title made it clear what the subject is. If it isn't plain, the whole thing is, so to speak, blown out of the water. Oh damn it.