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Blanket Weed (Free verse) by Christof

First, like my daughter's hair, waving with Ophelia's madness As my hand twists, a fish in the cold bite of water Fearing the net and the shrouded enigma Of the wild banshee weed that chokes the pond; Then, like a green fleece, oozing and dripping And slip-slapping as I haul it from water to sun, Ready to be spun once the bright sighted droplets, The memories of home, have been dried and undone; Then hung on the wall like a dead shrivelled newt, Ready for the compost, a coiled desire For the water, for the silver scrape of the fish Pushing through, for the whispered thoughts of the current.

Christof 11-Jul-07/11:50 AM
It obviously is confusing, as the green fleece is the weed - the hand is the fish. You may be right about 'First'. No comma after water, though - the line break is enough pause. That would be too much and would add nothing to the sense. No punctuation lessons are necessary, thanks.

OK. So is it not clear? I thought that the hair image was plainly referring to the weed - a fish doesn't move like that, and usually isn't green, or fleece-like. Is the hand not clearly enough the fish? I also thought the title made it clear what the subject is. If it isn't plain, the whole thing is, so to speak, blown out of the water. Oh damn it.




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