poemranker ::In the maybe by INTRANSIT

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Free verse № 153121

In the maybe

by INTRANSIT

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 Jul 2007 · 4 comments

Going from a warm wet womb to sandpaper days is nobodys fault. Even 1200 grit can take too much off the top, and make friday fall short. Or hump-day go Plummeting into tomorrow. No one knows what causes a missed phone call, or cabinet of burned out bulbs; lessons without teachers. And christmas is always on the other side of a freshly mopped floor. I don't have much to offer beside I'm coming I'm coming in a minute. All I have to give is a used ladder, a new hammer a handfull of galvanized nails. I can't promise if you go once more onto the roof the job will get done. All I can say is, It looks like rain.

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mean 4.50 weighted 4.98 rank 8214 views 181 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

4 comments

[8] Dovina 7-Jul-07/7:58 PM Reply
"sandpaper days" comes from some song I don't know. If not, it should. 1200 grit is extremely fine, I think, like polishing rouge, which is what the top of some heads look like. How it makes Friday fall short I can't see. Would be nice to carry the metaphor further. comma after hammer. Last 2 verses good.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dovina 7-Jul-07/8:05 PM Reply
8? *pout*
[n/a] Dental Panic 8-Jul-07/8:14 AM Reply
There is a good line in here, the one about chrismas I mean, but on the whole it drifts off in the ‘I make some kind of statement’ direction. You know, this and that: is nobody’s fault, no one knows, all I have, all I can, undsoweiter. It’s like generalising the personal in order to express an all too poetic mood of inconclusiveness. Perhaps. I could be completely wrong here. But one does have that liberty in the warm wet womb of the internet.

Anyway, speaking of teachers – I just watched Taylor Mali perform ‘what teachers make’. I think your logbook poem is better, but this one is worse. So much for comparisons.


[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dental Panic 8-Jul-07/8:58 AM Reply
Definitely worth printing off and taking with me on the road. I know it's fixable. Thank you sincerely, Mr Panic.