Re: Disturbed Destiny by misheila	15-Jan-05/2:16 PM
I have experienced this many times. Capturing the dream or the last thought before sleep or the waking thought, is difficult. Translation from sleep thinking into wake thinking is hard, but so worthwhile. recaptire -> capture period after desires.
Re: the pretenders by PopoyMola	15-Jan-05/2:18 PM
Why the ....? The language here is very simple, too simple, tenses sometimes wrong, grammar poor.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-05/2:28 PM
Nicer now. Verse 2 (shadows) is especially nice. "Warm white" must refer to the doves, but they seem extraneous, another thought. I'd rather you stick with the trees, or make a stronger dove-to-tree tie.
Re: In the Shadows by Beyond_Dreams	15-Jan-05/2:34 PM
Like one of Shakespeare’s boring sonnets, too much gush, too little substance. I'd give most of his the same vote.
Re: Tra-la-la by Lifeboatman	15-Jan-05/2:40 PM
From the title, I take it as a pipedream. "in your birth canal grows the concept of my desire" a very sensuous line if spoken in the right time and place,
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-05/3:37 PM
Why all the repeats? Even without them, it's a lot of words. The "burn" "slice" "Kill" verses are good.
Re: American Semele (Edit) by Sasha	15-Jan-05/4:03 PM
The first verse is very tender and warm. The first two lines of the second verse give it all away.
Re: Rain by dancin_n_da_moonlite	15-Jan-05/8:19 PM
Yes, I understand Katie. It's how I answer his questions, then re-answer when he asks again. Nicely done.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-05/8:25 PM
You've been reading too much sci-fi. I remember the clickity clack of a typewriter. Kids today will remember the .wav bytes of Quicken if they live to see their obsolescence. Methinks you use too many parens.
Re: A Dear John by misheila	16-Jan-05/6:48 AM
I don't like this one nearly as well as your other. This seems written out of anger without close attention to craft. It's a whiny poem. And double-spacing doesn't help, nor do the lack of a spaces after commas.
Re: Rendered Genderless by PsydewaysTears	16-Jan-05/6:55 AM
Good meter and rhyme, but the message is overstated. Lines like "I can become Anything I want to be" don't cut it, not in my world. I hear what you're saying, but please keep it real.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Jan-05/7:03 AM
The first verse is good. If only the rest followed. Did you have a nervous breakdown midway in the writing?
Re: A Fake Hollywood by Blindpoetry	16-Jan-05/6:13 PM
They named Hollywood after what they thought was holly. It was not holly, but a look-alike, the toyan bush, which also has red berries at Christmas time. Hollywood's been a fake ever since. And use spellcheck!
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Jan-05/8:26 PM
pathetic
Re: Only Me by heartlessempath	16-Jan-05/8:35 PM
What a terrible father you must have! Quite well written and convincing. Too much punctuation. The title - why only you?
Re: Vulture by Stacy Stewart	16-Jan-05/8:41 PM
Grammar!
Re: Buried On Hollowed Ground by Enchantres	16-Jan-05/8:47 PM
"Now you see," but how so? You imply consciousness after suicide death. Better to say the killer is gone and knows nothing. vote-7 only because it's well written.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jan-05/6:51 AM
A novel way to think about breathing, an almost spiritual way. Not scientifically accurate, but makes a person proud to exhale good air, a reason to be. Cough! I just inhaled someone's garlic stir-fry.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jan-05/6:56 AM
Good description. The last verse is a bit wordy. Try omiting "peoples'" "their" in three places. hesitant -> hesitantly
Re: black dog by wilco	20-Jan-05/6:33 AM
Is it from the dog's pov? The "red on black" line makes me think it's an old dog, and the master needed to kill it as we do with old dogs.