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Disturbed Destiny (Free verse) by misheila Feelings come over me at night.
Lost dreams and desires,
I awake.
Translation lost in time.
To late to recapture.
Up the ladder:
Hate the Contestant
Down the ladder:
My Time In Jail
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Posted: January 14, 2005 12:17 AM PST; Last modified: January 14, 2005 12:17 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.9284782 Overall Rank: 9380 Comments:
I have experienced this many times. Capturing the dream or the last thought before sleep or the waking thought, is difficult. Translation from sleep thinking into wake thinking is hard, but so worthwhile.
recaptire -> capture period after desires.
It's nice to see someone has been able to read what it was I found myself trying to explain.I've gone and read the poems you have posted.I am very impressed you have true talent.You know how to use imagery,almost more of a story teller at some points.
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Line by line--l1 is a bit simplistic for the number of words you use, but could go somewhere. l2 as well. l3 is nice and succinct... I almost think you could drop the first two lines and work the rest into something more coherent, but I'm lost as to what you intend with 'translation', and ... no idea what you're hoping to convey.