| Re: she sits back and judges me by hendrimike |
18-Jul-05/6:15 AM |
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an angry rant, nothing more.
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| Re: Twilight on the Roadside by ALChemy |
22-Jul-05/8:29 AM |
A good story, needing less story and more poetry, or else just tell it as a story.
'desaturated' may not be the right word.
'I was' in verse 3 can go.
(That image burned into my heart)- Best, I think, to show how you feel rather than tell us.
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| Re: Noble oboe now sings every next saturday evening by ALChemy |
24-Jul-05/6:24 AM |
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I'm a little under a Denken Weizen at the moment, but are there realy meadows in Tuscany? I do like to board a starship with its bark and all, of willows and such wherever the memories lead.
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| Re: Decoys and Disguises behind large-areas of smoke screens by Beyond_Dreams |
24-Jul-05/6:30 AM |
I'm happy you noticed me in my skirt 'too' short and ruge, not lipstick, on my cheeks. I really can't tell yesterday from today or tomorrow. You can have only one arm and graffitti on your feet, it doesn't matter if you love me. That's where most guys don<#t get it.
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| Re: Summer of Firsts by Miggy |
24-Jul-05/6:32 AM |
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Beware! This looks too much like deception!
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| Re: Stabbed with a Carrot by T. Jonathron Remp |
24-Jul-05/6:38 AM |
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A bit like the 'words will never hurt me' nonsenense of a cliche. A carot can hurt if you think it can. I don't get how this is 'spiritually' true. I seems like just the effect of belief.
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| Re: Hindsight by darby pyn |
24-Jul-05/6:43 AM |
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I don't think you 'stole' your father's eyes. You just emulated him for awhile. That much is ok, and a good thing to do. Now leave him alone like he says. I'd like to be my father. He was a great man!
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| Re: Cavern of Chaos by Nuit |
24-Jul-05/6:45 AM |
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| Re: A thank you note(Not a poem at all) by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
24-Jul-05/6:54 AM |
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| Re: SO DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR LOVE by prettyktm |
24-Jul-05/6:56 AM |
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What a line of bull!! I've heard it all before!!
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| Re: Showtime by INTRANSIT |
27-Jul-05/6:14 AM |
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God never made a sound, but you tell us not to underestimate God. The white veins were not God, nor were the fireflies? The laughing frogs and anguishing cicadas have it right. What are you, the observer, anguishing with, if not the sounds of God? Say what you mean, man! Or as CS Lewis said, the skill of writing is to know exactly what you want to say, and to say exactly that.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Jul-05/6:20 AM |
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I have difficulty making the connection between the events in the poem and the last verse where it`s related to belief in God.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Jul-05/6:25 AM |
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Tiny bubbles in the wine, a song and a feeling. Not bad.
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| Re: Internet Junkie by cuddlytiger17 |
27-Jul-05/6:26 AM |
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Please, don`t devalue my life!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Jul-05/6:32 AM |
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The last verse begins tenderly and redemptively, but I wish you`d not use `rage of jealousy.` The better ending would resolve the issue, as I think it can be resolved.
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| Re: a love not meant to be by nentwined |
28-Jul-05/7:02 AM |
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Why must such a love be not meant? Or not workable? "combed together" seems odd for liquid and concrete.
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| Re: Weariness by Niphredil |
30-Jul-05/10:20 PM |
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Like sleeping beneath a volcano.
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| Re: You, the Line, and I by MacFrantic |
1-Aug-05/8:34 AM |
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I hate these lines beween us, but see them too. The other line could be death, but could be the anti-line. I hope so.
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| Re: Observation of a stupéfait by Dental Panic |
1-Aug-05/8:39 AM |
Some inconsistencies in punctuation:
leaves'
spoke.
rustling.
But what are you saying?
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| Re: she sits back and judges me by hendrimike |
1-Aug-05/8:41 AM |
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