| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Jul-05/3:54 PM |
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You heard this, right? It came as a forewarded email.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Jul-05/9:01 PM |
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We're terrible that way. Monstrous.
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| Re: JUST A FEW by rbooey |
8-Jul-05/9:05 PM |
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I thought I knew who MUM was until the end. Weird.
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| Re: Lover by Dental Panic |
9-Jul-05/4:36 PM |
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It's better now, clearer. Still, the timing of your posting and the tube, river, therain and all implies the London bombings. Then why is it called Lover? And why is it bad luck that he was not on the train that was bombed? Maybe he avoided the train disaster only to get on the bus to be blown up. It's not clear.
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| Re: Flies in the ointment. by darby pyn |
11-Jul-05/11:27 AM |
discarded plankton? What's that, and how is it related to a well? Her head held low in the ointment follows the title, but the rest of the images don't seem to work.
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| Re: When my place is placeless by Prince of Void |
11-Jul-05/11:30 AM |
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The first two lines get off to an irritating start because they imply a connection that is not there or not developed. You have not started from where the reader is.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jul-05/11:36 AM |
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Most of these lines are good poetic phrases, but they seem too unrelated and fail to connect smoothly to an overall theme.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jul-05/11:39 AM |
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Symmetry about the middle is a novel idea, but I fail to see how it all makes sense.
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| Re: a.m. by oneglove |
11-Jul-05/11:41 AM |
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Are you that afraid of dreams? My father was.
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| Re: Al-Qaida Blues by Bluemonkey |
11-Jul-05/11:47 AM |
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Who can say what they feel? I think this might sum it up as well as any. Might want to capitalize You.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jul-05/11:55 AM |
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I like this too. But "even more sublime" implies that the former is also sublime.
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| Re: Ursa's Tail by bamf909 |
12-Jul-05/9:55 AM |
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The first three lines are good, then the image seems to break down.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jul-05/10:07 AM |
"beauty" in the first line should be Beauty, unless you mean that you are beautiful.
Some lines are not flattering, such as "vision angelic" since angels are often terrible. And seraphim is a Biblical image not complimentary to an earthly woman.
The last verse doesn't say what you mean, I think. What started a spark must have been she, but she doesn't burn brighter, rather your love does.
It's tender feelings to be sure, but lacking clear expression.
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| Re: There she is! by CarterTribe |
12-Jul-05/1:12 PM |
It seems like an honest, though not very poetically written, sentiment that women should try to understand. We often play with the emotions of men, not realizing how deep they are, and it isn't nice.
The lines about "That stupid, nasty,evil h**" and "now the final scoreâs been set," are disturbing, and I hope you don't really mean them.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jul-05/5:28 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Jul-05/7:02 AM |
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How can imagery be unimaginable? If you imagine it, it is imagery. I think a comma after truths would help. Still I see what you mean and tha last line is good.
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| Re: Let the Healing Begin by http://bandgeek |
16-Jul-05/7:08 AM |
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Talk about a rut! And pretty well told.
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| Re: the smallest box will do by elderking |
16-Jul-05/7:11 AM |
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Smll package. Don't they seem trivial after awhile? Movin' on is what it's about. Good.
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| Re: Low Tide by somemorepoetry |
18-Jul-05/6:12 AM |
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The first 2 verses are good, then it wanders like a beach comber.
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| Re: Distracted by pletcgm |
18-Jul-05/6:13 AM |
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Starts off well enough, but is too simply said toward the end.
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