zodiac
on My Life by RION12
7 May 2005, 4:49 AM
Your parents will always be there for me.
A few too many words - supreme in line 2, of in line 6
Why not let dear Melanie know how you feel:
melanie.mclean@gmail.com
A bit late now, but I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought.
nope,comes from being breathed on by my man
This was of course my first attempt at spoken word. I tried to shorten it up a little so it doesn't seem so draged on.
Thanks, I understand what you guys are saying.
Eh? It's long, and stops to really interest around the Religious remark. Really liked the following lines.
"The Lawyers that must at times, swim against the hem of the sea;
therefore
meaning public opinion."
There is controling your audience, and then there are failed attempts. This was a fairly good attempt. Like Alizarin_Crimson said a nice start, now trim it. Get to your point sooner, and if it's going to look this bulky, Reclassify it as a Prose Poem please.
<3 Jason
" Stop reading Calvin Trillin"
poetandknowit
I thought of a "Dosh" as being thicker than a dash...its creamier, kind of like something between a slosh and a dash. I dunno. Painters will understand :)
Is this an addition to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song?
yes the first line is a typo I know there is alot of this poem that needs to be fix and it needs to be straightend out theres alot missing that I'd like to add but i can't seem to find the words
An essay made to look like a poem. A prose poem at best.
Is "without out" in the first line a typo?
You may want to considering adding line breaks, especially where things rhyme like at "me" and at "day."
There needs to be some sort of punctuation between "around you" and "I got out."
Again, I absolutely despise your work. And I know you'll take that as a compliment.