some deleted user
on Blue by D. $ Fontera
12 May 2005, 7:35 PM
with Can't it would read more fluent. Same with
sometimes for things I should avoid but: 'sometimes for things to avoid but'
The third stanza is a bit out of place and actually redundant. Unless the significance of 'errant' escaped me?
I read the last stanza two ways. Morbid me.
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you....
Not near as good as the other Lake Michigan one.
I like it. Could be better...I don't know exactly. I'll leave it to you...It's good as it is...or make it great.
Always a super feeling when you escape without waking them up.
If by "tagumet" you mean "tegument" or skin, Baby Dumpling would not have died in old age.
I don't get it.
It tackles too many topics in the second half to be strong in any of them. Would do better to stick with the "I can influence the future" theme.
Is an alwife a fish that spawns on the beach of Lake Michigan? The last line needs some help.
thanks.
Somehow the title and the last line are alien to to the rest. Otherwise funny.
Some of us receive less pleasure than others from mocking.
Some day I may cease to be amazed and stop wondering what criteria you use in judging the goodness of poems.
Your concern over my drooping, or rather your concern over my possible concern over my drooping, is very tender indeed, and perhaps stems from concern about virility's illusion turning eventually to a joke. A much appreciated 10.
*belief instead of believe
Comes off as somewhat pretentious, and loses its focus somewhat in the third part (after "because they are the same").