| Re: Blue by D. $ Fontera |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
12-May-05/7:35 PM |
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with Can't it would read more fluent. Same with
sometimes for things I should avoid but: 'sometimes for things to avoid but'
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| Re: Lifted by wilco |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
12-May-05/7:27 PM |
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There are nice touches here, like line 8 and the telephone. Unfortunately too many buts and whats and so's
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| Re: Lifted by wilco |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/7:26 PM |
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The hidden "she" in the last verse gives it an undeveloped twist.
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| Re: Homecoming by Dovina |
some deleted user 81.69.23.196 |
12-May-05/7:25 PM |
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The third stanza is a bit out of place and actually redundant. Unless the significance of 'errant' escaped me?
I read the last stanza two ways. Morbid me.
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| Re: My Best Friend, 1985 by jessicazee |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
12-May-05/6:39 PM |
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I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you....
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| Re: White by Enkidu |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
12-May-05/6:34 PM |
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This doesn't make a lot of sense and the rhymes seem forced...sorry.
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| Re: Lake Michigan by jessicazee |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
12-May-05/6:17 PM |
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Not near as good as the other Lake Michigan one.
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| Re: On the Bank of Lake Michigan by jessicazee |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
12-May-05/6:08 PM |
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I like it. Could be better...I don't know exactly. I'll leave it to you...It's good as it is...or make it great.
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| Re: Homecoming by Dovina |
wilco 24.165.207.93 |
12-May-05/6:03 PM |
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Always a super feeling when you escape without waking them up.
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| Re: a comment on Old Friend by Dovina |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/12:17 PM |
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If by "tagumet" you mean "tegument" or skin, Baby Dumpling would not have died in old age.
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| Re: sixth and highland by unknown^user |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/12:14 PM |
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| Re: The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/12:10 PM |
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It tackles too many topics in the second half to be strong in any of them. Would do better to stick with the "I can influence the future" theme.
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| Re: On the Bank of Lake Michigan by jessicazee |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/12:03 PM |
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Is an alwife a fish that spawns on the beach of Lake Michigan? The last line needs some help.
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| Re: a comment on The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
Jeremi B. Handrinos 24.130.62.63 |
12-May-05/11:54 AM |
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| Re: Covering the white house by INTRANSIT |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/11:45 AM |
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Somehow the title and the last line are alien to to the rest. Otherwise funny.
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| Re: a comment on Finding Gin and Santa by richa |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/11:38 AM |
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Some of us receive less pleasure than others from mocking.
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| Re: a comment on Mid Years by Dovina |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/11:28 AM |
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Thanks for the corroboration. I, of course, am too young to know it.
I'll look at your beeg wun.
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| Re: a comment on Mid Years by Dovina |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/11:26 AM |
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If relationships are merely a doorway to having sex more often, then you are among all men most to be pitied.
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| Re: a comment on Mid Years by Dovina |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
12-May-05/11:23 AM |
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Some day I may cease to be amazed and stop wondering what criteria you use in judging the goodness of poems.
Your concern over my drooping, or rather your concern over my possible concern over my drooping, is very tender indeed, and perhaps stems from concern about virility's illusion turning eventually to a joke. A much appreciated 10.
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| Re: The Observer by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
unknown^user 128.196.6.126 |
12-May-05/8:51 AM |
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*belief instead of believe
Comes off as somewhat pretentious, and loses its focus somewhat in the third part (after "because they are the same").
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