poemranker ::Old Friend by Dovina

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Free verse № 124445

Old Friend

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 3 May 2005 · Edited 7 May 2005 · 11 comments

-for Bob and Baby Dumpling- Then a happy healthy pet it seemed you'd won our friendly bet cough and wheeze congestive heart disease at your dying keep on trying Seven to one my years to yours legs that run while yours refuse. I know what you cannot pick you up tread the stairs pat your head and say good night Sleep well, my friend what you cannot know is better unknown

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11 comments

[5] INTRANSIT 8-May-05/8:58 AM Reply
Interesting. Starting out with a playful rhyme and then it gets all serious. I don't think it does the pet justice, though. do it again.
[n/a] Dovina › INTRANSIT 10-May-05/10:36 AM Reply
Hey, sorry to get all serious on you and offend your sensibilities regarding the intelligence of dogs, but really, wouldn't rather not know?
[n/a] deleted user 8-May-05/4:41 PM Reply
I like this a lot, for its simplicity and sincerity. It's the 'cannot' that hurts somehow. It hurts the poem, is what I mean...
[n/a] Dovina › deleted user 10-May-05/10:44 AM Reply
Some people say a dog knows when its death is near. I prefer to think that an event so traumatic and unknown before entering it cannot be understood by a dog to the extent that humans can understand it. I think our knowledge on the subject has done us little good.
[10] zodiac 8-May-05/11:12 PM Reply
The first two lines are straight from crystal lane swift. The rest is good.
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 10-May-05/10:45 AM Reply
Would you like it better if it didn’t rhyme?
[10] zodiac › Dovina 11-May-05/5:25 AM Reply
No, I'd like it better if it was written better. The first two lines, I mean.

Here are some dog-related rhymes for 'pet' you could have used instead:

fret, get, jet, let, met, set, sweat, vet, wet, yet, arquette, bassette, beget, beset, brunette, cornet, corvette, cossette, duet, forget, regret, rosette, roulette, tibet, upset, vignette, anisette, cigarette, flageolet, kitchenette, silhouette, sobriquet, tagamet, looks-rather-like-Cate-Blanchett, and so on.

If I can make one small suggestion: Don't make practically all your lines non sequitors, especially not the first two. You're going to do a lot better saying,

Then a happy healthy pet
Until he ate my tagomet,

than saying something like

Then a happy healthy pet.
What ever happened to John Larroquete?

Just a suggestion anyway. Personally, I like it when you rhyme.
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 12-May-05/12:17 PM Reply
If by "tagumet" you mean "tegument" or skin, Baby Dumpling would not have died in old age.
[10] zodiac › Dovina 13-May-05/5:02 AM Reply
Sorry, I actually meant tagamet. Tagumet is rhymezone.com's misspelling, and I was too lazy to catch it.
[10] al-naafiysh 9-May-05/2:32 AM Reply
The poem is very nice.It's sad about the pet.
[n/a] Dovina › al-naafiysh 10-May-05/10:49 AM Reply
It was sad for Bob when his pet, Baby Dumpling, was dying of congestive heart disease. As I watched them together near the end, it seemed that it was not sad for Baby Dumpling. The dog seemed happy for an extra measure of attention.