Replying to a comment on:

Old Friend (Free verse) by Dovina

-for Bob and Baby Dumpling- Then a happy healthy pet it seemed you'd won our friendly bet cough and wheeze congestive heart disease at your dying keep on trying Seven to one my years to yours legs that run while yours refuse. I know what you cannot pick you up tread the stairs pat your head and say good night Sleep well, my friend what you cannot know is better unknown

zodiac 11-May-05/5:25 AM
No, I'd like it better if it was written better. The first two lines, I mean.

Here are some dog-related rhymes for 'pet' you could have used instead:

fret, get, jet, let, met, set, sweat, vet, wet, yet, arquette, bassette, beget, beset, brunette, cornet, corvette, cossette, duet, forget, regret, rosette, roulette, tibet, upset, vignette, anisette, cigarette, flageolet, kitchenette, silhouette, sobriquet, tagamet, looks-rather-like-Cate-Blanchett, and so on.

If I can make one small suggestion: Don't make practically all your lines non sequitors, especially not the first two. You're going to do a lot better saying,

Then a happy healthy pet
Until he ate my tagomet,

than saying something like

Then a happy healthy pet.
What ever happened to John Larroquete?

Just a suggestion anyway. Personally, I like it when you rhyme.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001