Dovina
replying on Swoon by Dovina
3 Jun 2005, 10:26 AM
âDangling hands and outward thumbsâ: Stand with your hands dangling at your sides. If someone takes your hands from behind and turns your thumbs outward, then pulls them back, what happens? You rest against his chest.
âYour breasts feel connected or do you?â: I feel connected with the women in my past, and the feeling is also in my breasts.
âUnique line of womanhoodâ: Iâm referring to my ancestry, and never thought of the way youâve taken it. Itâs funny, really!
âThe reality dream ending loses meâ: Itâs a questionable ending for sure. I meant that the reality of the thing he was describing became so overwhelming that it seemed like a dream â a swoon.
âFacing eastâ: The direction only matters in the specific setting, and I have no right to expect anyone to know that.
Glad you like it heaps anyway.
<< With great courage and hope >>
A soldier is always a hero who did 'the right thing', as long as he doesn't start messing up the pretty warpictures by returning mutilated or bothering the homeland with incurable war trauma's. America has not been very kind to his sick Vietnam & Gulf veterans; branding them cowards.
Maybe with your last lines you tried to give it a cynical twist, but you did not succeed.
Bad limerick. How does picked rhyme with kid, Mockmage?
Here it is. http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
Funky.
CUT! CUT! Hold it. There's too much unnecessary stuff here. If you want the end-rhyme then GET the end rhyme. But Iron out the lines. Take a T-sqare to them and listen to the beats. You've got plenty to work with.
It's not bad. Just far from what it can be.
Yes, we know. And if the greater population all agreed to not show up for work until "our boys and girls" get sent home, well, the nation's gonna collapse either way.
Ok, here are my nits. Dangling hands and outward thumbs may be too descriptive. Does he really take your Hands? Or does he use your upper arms. Your breasts feel connected or do you? Unique line of womanhood sounds like he's got women all over the globe to me. The reality dream ending loses me, but I might not be reading it at the right speed there. Keep in mind there may be references in this that I just don't understand. Facing east for starters. I don't get it but I'm sure you're facing that way for a reason. I still like this heaps.
INTRANSIT
on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac
3 Jun 2005, 6:10 AM
The first seemed like notes scribbled tiredly so thought wouldn't be lost. This is mucho bene. Romance, religion, politicos, bullets, the true nature of all that is. These are honest tens I give.
zodiac
replying on Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
3 Jun 2005, 5:47 AM
Can I ask you a question?
I have a square-bottomed container resting on its bottom, which is square. The bottom is 1 foot by 1 foot. How much beer would just cover the bottom? What if you were using a superfine atomiser-sprayer capable of spraying a layer of beer 1 molecule thick?
10 and 9.
I don't think it makes any sense without the pleasure of analyzing included.
A little sappy, but alright, yep - all right.
Splitting the years into pieces to please, some time pleasing here, some there, splitting gears, split by peers. Think I'll stay home.
I just saw your vehement reaction to a 'fucking whore', and it's not justified. The poem can be so much better if you would care to consider a reader's interest. There are too many writers who write and post a poem for their own benefit. They don't understand, or do not want to understand that the poem is read by a bunch of Total Strangers who don't give a fuck about the authors wonderful dad. If you want them to care, you'll have to get rid of egocentricism. Sorry Celtic, but that's the way it is.
Ok and your test results are Zodiac? :-)