Re: A Father's Day Late by meek_little_braggart	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.23.223	23-Jun-05/3:15 AM
good rhythm, good rhyme. Go Jamaican Bobsled team!
Re: Up Close at a Distance by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	meek_little_braggart 4.131.139.38	23-Jun-05/3:12 AM
I feel uncomfortably voyeuristic here, but I guess at least you've achieved your purpose. That's a good thing.
Re: Third person. by darby pyn	meek_little_braggart 4.131.139.38	23-Jun-05/3:11 AM
My first, immediate response is three words: What the fuck. There's obviously something behind your forehead, pushing hard to be heard, but it isn't coming out clearly yet--misused words make static: "stigmata" is, for instance, a mystical "miracle" involving having ones hands and possibly side "bleed" with wounds like those traditionally suffered by Jesus on the cross appearing on an individual's body--often during a trance. St. Theresa was one individual rather more afflicted than otherwise by this "miracle." And... if you're suffering from fermentation, some coffee might do you good. I really feel some significance building up beneath the haze, there, man. Let clarity and lucidity rule where they fit--don't be afraid to edit.
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	Damien 212.248.252.234	23-Jun-05/3:04 AM
Thanks for the feedback Zodiac
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	Damien 212.248.252.234	23-Jun-05/3:02 AM
Thanks for the lectur I will bare it in mind...thanks for the feedback
Re: a comment on Confused Love by Damien	Damien 212.248.252.234	23-Jun-05/3:01 AM
Thanks for the feedback
Re: Third person. by darby pyn	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 69.231.23.223	23-Jun-05/2:17 AM
I mean no offense when I tell you that the first sentence to come into my mind when I read this was, "What in The Hell?" I'm gonna go to bed and read this again in the morning. See what shakes off the tree then.
Re: a comment on Sandia Plain by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.171	23-Jun-05/1:04 AM
My suggestions: 1) Punctuate. 2) Stop writing all of your sentences the same, and making them all like "Beside painted siding abandoned homes melt and slough to statues etc, etc, etc." I'm at a loss to explain exactly how simplistic and yet totally unnatural your sentence structures are, and how there are a lot better ones. You're just going to say, "But my sentences have so many words! So many subordinate clauses!" 3) Include similes. People like similes. Really, modern poetry's like 1 simile or metaphor per 2 lines. That's about it. You're as always perfectly entitled to tell me to bug off.
Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.171	23-Jun-05/12:45 AM
That's exactly what I'm saying. The point of the poem isn't that he can look at the bitterness, complaininess, and critical side of himself and change it (ie, avoid, in your words, "falling into a trap".) The point of your poem, whether you mean it or not, is that the bitterness, etc, IS his core and therefore unavoidable. That's why I ask, how does one avoid one's "core"? Maybe it would be better to ask, Can one change one's "core"? And if he can, it's not much of a core, is it? All this is kind of moot for me; I don't believe in cores. And I don't think you mean it the way I'm reading it. But I think that's why everyone's pissed about this one. I think they read it the same way.
Re: Release by Miracle	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.19	22-Jun-05/10:15 PM
L3S4 should be caught as the rst of the poem is in the past tense, and in dire risk of repeating myself this morning I will suggest that the use of punctuation is normally considered beneficial when included within the written form of the English language, that is assuming you are trying to communicate with someone other than your own subconcious.
Re: Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.19	22-Jun-05/10:06 PM
Foul play indeed, but let us not be chicken-hearted, I cluck that a little more punctuation might improve the flavour.
Re: Our world by 47Ronin	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.19	22-Jun-05/9:56 PM
You mean there were no plants, rocks, soil or anything?I guess a lot depends on how good your eyesight is.
Re: A spectacular poem by a handsome man by <{Baba^Yaga}>	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.19	22-Jun-05/9:54 PM
I suggest you go and live in Myanmar for a year or two.
Re: a comment on Mountain Gorillas by Blue Magpie	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.30	22-Jun-05/1:07 PM
Said by who? Yes ofcourse she was determined, anybody who wasn't would have achieved absolutely nothing.
Re: a comment on Mountain Gorillas by Blue Magpie	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.30	22-Jun-05/1:01 PM
No, I don't actually think Gorillas think in such a manner, it is a rhetorical question aimed at the reader, who, except in Rockmage's case is unlikely to be a Gorilla
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.30	22-Jun-05/12:55 PM
Interesting read, if somewhat ghastly.
Re: To Brush, or Not to Brush, That is the Question! by Lenore	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	22-Jun-05/11:30 AM
Where's the motion? Is there some other excuse for inflicting these dreadful images and this poor grammar upon us other than your routine root canal?
Re: Last Night by Roisin	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	22-Jun-05/11:21 AM
The images/symbols are fairly clever, but they are delivered without style. These are not pleasant to read. Can they be fixed? Start with killing nearly all of your prepositions and look up "split infinitive" and, in general, stop telling me [blandly] what I would rather be shown [freshly]. Apply these words to any 5 random poems of yours here. Please, don't take my comments the wrong way - just bridge this gap between having something good to say and saying it well. Sadly, if one has the latter they can fake the former - but seldom the other way around.
Re: a comment on Arson by Roisin	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.125.195	22-Jun-05/10:43 AM
if I thought your poetry was worth worshipping and forming tent meetings about.. then we could call what i have done sacreligious. as for egotistical.. why of course.. aren't we all. We post on poemranker do we not?
Re: a comment on Sandia Plain by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	22-Jun-05/10:32 AM
Sun-dried mud bricks is a synonym, but too long. Yes, it's a documentory. I'd hoped it would also sound poetic, but I guess it doesn't.