Blue Magpie
on A Father's Day Late by meek_little_braggart
23 Jun 2005, 11:45 PM
I would name it just a rhyme
if it were somehow one of mine.
'common courtesy you use' transposed verbs are really a sign that the poet hasn't put in the required effort, as BWC said a few poems up, it makes one of Yoda think.
But it doesn't say anyhting that hasn't been said a thousand times before, and it offers nothing in the way of beautiful language or memorable structure.
I would agree with Dovina
As a prayer it seems a little vague as to what is actually wanted.
But good poetry about drama is. :-)
It seems the title is wrong because it's about her, what she did.
Drama is never short and sweet ;)
Could be said in half the words and be stronger.
Not so for the egg this bird will someday lay, but we all say that is some way. Peck, peck.
Good adult story too. The rhythm is so good in most of it that those lines that break it really stand out. For example, "Later that day, cooking the evening meal," leave out "evening."
this one is a bit different than my other ones!!
my carefully placed punctuation is precisely where I intended it to be. Nah, I just wrote it out in this form and didn't change a thing. haha!
I thought it was more about cutting (and staying alive) then about suicide. which is why the word 'cycle' is used. But heck, I dunno any cutters that wear jumpsuits.
1st off.. you mispelled megAlomania.
2nd - megalomia is A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence.
So... all that to say...huh? you go from calling me egotistical to megalomaniacal? I think you just used a big word for which you didn't know the definition to try to slam me some more. Ah well. I tried not to say it, but your poem does suck. so get over it. grow your own self.
when people move their verbs to accomodate a rhyme. I of Yoda think.
Whatever the âcoreâ of a man is, it is something that you and I are defining differently, perhaps reflecting a basic difference in our views of human nature. You say itâs unchangeable; I say the mind has power over it to change it. By noticing the symptoms of a bitter core in early old-age, a man or a woman can take action. I believe we change the way old age is spent. The key is look at oneâs self, to be aware.
2) But my sentences have so many words, so many subordinate clauses, so many look-alike elements, so orderly, so neat, so rational, so boring.
Thank you for your comments and insight as always.
the suggestions made will be carefully thought upon.
I am not so stubborn or vane to think their is no room
for improvement.