Re: A Father's Day Late by meek_little_braggart	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.47	23-Jun-05/11:45 PM
I would name it just a rhyme if it were somehow one of mine.
Re: Family by Sunshine Conkey	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.47	23-Jun-05/11:42 PM
'common courtesy you use' transposed verbs are really a sign that the poet hasn't put in the required effort, as BWC said a few poems up, it makes one of Yoda think.
Re: Passion by gothiclovepoetiss	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.47	23-Jun-05/11:35 PM
But it doesn't say anyhting that hasn't been said a thousand times before, and it offers nothing in the way of beautiful language or memorable structure.
Re: Drama by QuirkyWonder	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.47	23-Jun-05/11:31 PM
I would agree with Dovina
Re: A Righteous Prayer by Dovina	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.47	23-Jun-05/11:29 PM
As a prayer it seems a little vague as to what is actually wanted.
Re: a comment on Drama by QuirkyWonder	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/7:17 PM
But good poetry about drama is. :-)
Re: Mountain Gorillas by Blue Magpie	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/7:15 PM
It seems the title is wrong because it's about her, what she did.
Re: a comment on Drama by QuirkyWonder	QuirkyWonder 24.9.35.202	23-Jun-05/7:14 PM
Drama is never short and sweet ;)
Re: Drama by QuirkyWonder	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/7:11 PM
Could be said in half the words and be stronger.
Re: Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/6:39 PM
Not so for the egg this bird will someday lay, but we all say that is some way. Peck, peck.
Re: Family by Sunshine Conkey	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/6:31 PM
Good adult story too. The rhythm is so good in most of it that those lines that break it really stand out. For example, "Later that day, cooking the evening meal," leave out "evening."
Re: Passion by gothiclovepoetiss	gothiclovepoetiss 172.130.246.161	23-Jun-05/2:41 PM
this one is a bit different than my other ones!!
Re: a comment on Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.168.146	23-Jun-05/1:50 PM
my carefully placed punctuation is precisely where I intended it to be. Nah, I just wrote it out in this form and didn't change a thing. haha!
Re: a comment on Last Night by Roisin	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.168.146	23-Jun-05/12:25 PM
I thought it was more about cutting (and staying alive) then about suicide. which is why the word 'cycle' is used. But heck, I dunno any cutters that wear jumpsuits.
Re: a comment on Arson by Roisin	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.168.146	23-Jun-05/11:59 AM
1st off.. you mispelled megAlomania. 2nd - megalomia is A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence. So... all that to say...huh? you go from calling me egotistical to megalomaniacal? I think you just used a big word for which you didn't know the definition to try to slam me some more. Ah well. I tried not to say it, but your poem does suck. so get over it. grow your own self.
Re: Fillamayer! by smiffy84	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.130.168.146	23-Jun-05/11:43 AM
when people move their verbs to accomodate a rhyme. I of Yoda think.
Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/11:16 AM
Whatever the “core” of a man is, it is something that you and I are defining differently, perhaps reflecting a basic difference in our views of human nature. You say it’s unchangeable; I say the mind has power over it to change it. By noticing the symptoms of a bitter core in early old-age, a man or a woman can take action. I believe we change the way old age is spent. The key is look at one’s self, to be aware.
Re: a comment on Sandia Plain by Dovina	Dovina 69.175.32.185	23-Jun-05/11:01 AM
2) But my sentences have so many words, so many subordinate clauses, so many look-alike elements, so orderly, so neat, so rational, so boring.
Re: a comment on Third person. by darby pyn	darby pyn 207.200.116.197	23-Jun-05/10:29 AM
Thank you for your comments and insight as always. the suggestions made will be carefully thought upon. I am not so stubborn or vane to think their is no room for improvement.
Re: a comment on Arson by Roisin	Roisin 80.3.64.12	23-Jun-05/6:19 AM
meglomania is different from an interest in the growth of the self.