LilMsLadyPoet
on BreakBeat TimeTravel by nentwined
13 Jul 2005, 2:08 PM
hmmm...made me think...and sounds like lyrics. I am not thoughoughly sure what this is about...well, yeah, I get it, up until the last three lines- seemed to not be part of it, or I didn't get their connection to the entire rest of it. But other than that I like it. Funky rythm I like. It Pops and Snaps like music. Gonna give it a good, generous score.
you left out the line "I've got shmelgass in my gonectagazoink."
Since posting the comment above, it's struck me that the world doesn't spin uniformly. Its axis wobbles a little under the influence of the moon and the earth's own unequal distribution of mass (in fact, the Christmas earthquake and tsunami almost certainly affected the world's "spin".) Further, the earth's rotation is slowing at a rate of something like 2 seconds every 10,000 years.
Besides, there is no "principle of uniformity".
I think I could count on any interested reader on the site to call "uniformity" negative. Also, I think your poem makes the world's "spinner" ultimately "reprehensible", so maybe you're just being tetchy. As far as earth's spinning being positive, well, we would all DIE if the planet stopped spinning. And spinning (like the earth's) is usually identified with constructive movement, continuity, and so on.
I was exaggerating to rbooey.
Regarding your answer to my question, is it really fair to say "something's keeping / the world spinning"? Isn't it more accurate to say, oh, something's not stopping the world from spinning?
DISCUSSION TOPIC FOR THE DAY: There's some question as to what a universe would look like if there weren't uniform, unchanging, "as if planned" laws of physics holding it together. My first guess is that it's moot, because we wouldn't be here to wonder about it. But of course that's nonsense; a universe without consistent physics could look like whatever it wanted. The one sure bet is that people living in a universe without physics would probably see their universe's lack of physics as evidence of God.
Thanks for the comment.
Is this a pop song from the early nineties?
No, I didn't really mean those lines. This isn't actually truthfully happening in my life. I just made it up and continued with the basic story. I didn't mean to offend anybody by this poem and no sterotypicalism was meant by me at all. I just spent a lot of time on this poem so thought I would share it with you. Thanks for taking the time to read, vote and leave a comment on my poem.
It seems like an honest, though not very poetically written, sentiment that women should try to understand. We often play with the emotions of men, not realizing how deep they are, and it isn't nice.
The lines about "That stupid, nasty,evil h**" and "now the final scoreâs been set," are disturbing, and I hope you don't really mean them.
this was long. I stopped reading it twice. Forced myself to finish. I wasn't surprised at the end.
you have to read it like a bad Eminem rap to feel it.
I donât how itâs serrated, but sedated â alright. Thatâs what booze and drugs are about, and mind trips like Charleneâs.
We drool because we smell the scent of knowing what the universe is all about. We feel close to tasting its essence, but canât quite understand.
The first three lines are good, then the image seems to break down.
Once I found out what a triolet is I'll come back.
The title sucked me in and this part I wish I'd written :
Here's a naked-necked girl laughing
in a square, thumbnail sawing an orange-skin.
There is more too but I'm out of it.
That would be not a good idea.
I found that O'Hara poem you recomended. I think I have problems reading some poets because they use so many references and allusions that unless one has spent their entire life reading, there's no possible way to catch up! Very frustrating this is, MMHMM? This particular poem WAS more acessible to me. I still don't know who the lady is. Would it behoove me to chase down all of the allusions? I'm taking a hiatus from writing as I have no direction, no plan to take my poetry anywhere specific. I believe without that, my efforts are useless. This is also why I've taken to not leaving comments. Take care, E-mail me if you wish.
I am completely confused.....Can I not express my feelings in any way I choose. If you get offended then so be it but I wrote this with the best intentions.
Thanks for the feedback
I am curious- what is the knowledge we are drooling for? Apart from this, The poem reminds me a bit of a scene from charlie and the chocolate factory, i believe its the scene on the boat. lucky for you, i like that movie, so ill give it a 5.
WHO knows is a clever line. 6
I think you are right ...but i did it because i wanted it to be unexpected ........this is form i work on it ..but it seems that is not good