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Endurance (Free verse) by Dovina She made him a necklace of paper birds,
each with a song and a smile,
placed it on him with a kiss,
like bread upon the water.
Two regrets she now endures:
the necklace scratched his throat,
and she had chosen one wrong sentenceâ
a kind of pain sheâd never not known.
Up the ladder:
The Picture
Down the ladder:
Disaster
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: July 9, 2005 3:37 PM PDT; Last modified: July 9, 2005 3:37 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9602656 Overall Rank: 8608 Comments:
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Dental Panic @ 84.31.86.195
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9-Jul-05/4:40 PM
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Reply
I'm in the dark. It seems a very private thing to me, with strange imagery.
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Dovina @ 69.175.32.185
> Dental Panic
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9-Jul-05/4:45 PM
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Reply
Not so private raelly. Paper birds are made by folding paper. They don't really sing or smile but they could have words written on them in a singing or smiling voice, perhaps a wrong sentence, an intended song that instead scratched his neck, who knows?
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Dental Panic @ 84.31.86.195
> Dovina
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9-Jul-05/5:22 PM
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Reply
I see.
[n/a]
Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 69.231.18.104
> Dovina
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9-Jul-05/11:26 PM
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Reply
who know? you should.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 69.175.32.185
> Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
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11-Jul-05/1:28 PM
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Reply
Yes, I had something in mind, but to spill it out defeats the purpose of implying it in a subtle way, hoping the reader will see what I mean. Still, I don't mind if you see something entirely different. Look at BlueMonkey's recent poem for an example of this.
Not good.
In what way is it not good? Please do not spare my tender feelings in your answer. I listen to all comments, and believe it or not, incorporate many of them. Here I have not done the things you usually find offensive - preaching, explaining, using funny grammar. So, what?
I kind of like this...despite what the general consensus seems to be..gotta go with my gut..
I'll admit it's more vague and subject to interpretation than most of mine. Your gut is as good as mine.
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