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BreakBeat TimeTravel (Free verse) by nentwined Breakbeat time
travel--on the flip
flip flop down
skip
the heart skips and in-
between moments
the mind skips
between moments; history
of the victors
lives on--
he lives on
long beyond
the lives of those
in his moments,
his moments in-
between moments;
history and
future
live on,
so malleable,
the moments
between moments
so malleable
that the history
and future
he knows
may never have happened
though he visits them daily
he disavows
all knowledge
not his,
and his changes,
time
break
travel
Up the ladder:
Puritans
Down the ladder:
To My Love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.272727
Posted: January 6, 2004 9:03 PM PST; Last modified: January 7, 2004 8:47 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.6363635 Overall Rank: 574 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[8]
devilishnutcase @ 65.156.178.70
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7-Jan-04/1:59 AM
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Reply
Very captivating,you publish any books of sorts ?
[n/a]
nentwined @ 192.168.0.250
> devilishnutcase
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7-Jan-04/8:08 AM
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Reply
I've had a few pieces in print, but overall no. still working on it.
When I read the title, I actually thought it might be about beaks. Needless to say I was jolly excited; but then it turned out that you just couldn't spell "break", and instead I had to read a poeme that contained the word "moment" far too many times. Thanks.
I really can't spell break. that sucks.
one moment and I'll fix that. I'm just not sure which one (moment). la. ;)
I like how you suckered me into the rythm of it - but I could do without the last line.
yeah, the last line sucks. I couldn't figure out how to end it. Any suggestion? Or just fine without the last line and nothing else?
I think you can just delete it call it a day.
I second that. Because this poem has guaranteed nentwined to face molestation charges from "moments".
You know, we could of done this mathematically.. Loop 1sec + 1.
cute, very cute. :)
I do seem to like that word, though. Certainly not the first poem I've overused it.
Well, its a poetic word.. (well, personally, I think hallmark has ruined it)
Hell, you could make a poem by just writing "moments" and nothing else, and have a good chance of getting away with it. heres a contribution to your fascination: moments between golden splashes and amber tears is where peace is found before the dreaded eye sting and the smell of cleanliness. Oh, and heres a 7.. it was funny I think, though I'm guessing that wasn't exactly your goal. :P
Goal? I'm supposed to have a goal?
No, I suppose funny wasn't the goal. The goal was to write something, anything, no matter how crappy it was, because my mind was for some reason unable to function around two cups of coffee. A very odd experience.
No, you don't have to have a goal, but I figure everything has a purpose- no matter how inane that purpose might be.
I had the same goal when I wrote Dance in my Golden Shower. Tis how I broke the writers barrier. coffee = water. But we all know my opinion there..
here goes nothing. ;) That lets me fix the title and one spot where I had a double space for no reason other than twitchy fingers.
The first line beak makes no sense to me.
but the rest of them do?
it's trying to force the examination of breakbeat time vs. breakbeat time travel vs. time travel. ish.
Yes actually, I thought the rest of the line beaks worked well.
Any examination beaks down though when one can not get past the first line.
Beakariffic. :)
Who are you to invoke the name of the Beak?
igpbgh. that is all.
hmmm...made me think...and sounds like lyrics. I am not thoughoughly sure what this is about...well, yeah, I get it, up until the last three lines- seemed to not be part of it, or I didn't get their connection to the entire rest of it. But other than that I like it. Funky rythm I like. It Pops and Snaps like music. Gonna give it a good, generous score.
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