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A World At War (Free verse) by Damien
As I silently sit I think whose war is this As a violent bomb hits I see within the mist… A broken down child praying for death 1 leg on his chest as the medics do the rest Dead bodies around him take to the sky While innocent people are scarred for life Immense negative vibes and frantic attitudes 700 disturbed, millions confused Terrorists amused, planning the next act The public abused for our leaders attacks While they rest safely wallowing in safety Completely untouched with pay slips daily The truth we lack is backfiring upon us We blindly believe, in government we trust If there is absence of hope then freedom is lost So I hope we forget these paths we’ve crossed A world gone mad, a world at war How long will this continue for

Up the ladder: Goodbye
Down the ladder: The Edge Of The World

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 2.2
Weighted score: 4.6662316
Overall Rank: 12252
Posted: July 8, 2005 4:17 AM PDT; Last modified: July 8, 2005 4:17 AM PDT
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Comments:
[3] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 8-Jul-05/10:30 AM | Reply
Too many words, and not carefully chosen. "safely wallowing in safety" for example.
[n/a] Damien @ 212.248.252.234 > Dovina | 11-Jul-05/2:49 AM | Reply
I used '*something* safely wallowing in safety' as to ephasize the safety of this *something*. I am not sure whether it made sense I just picked up the word wallowing and thought I would try and use it.
Thanks for the feedback
[0] Bluemonkey @ 170.141.68.99 | 11-Jul-05/11:32 AM | Reply
If you're going to write about something like this...and be as graphic as you have, for God sakes, man, don't rhyme.
[n/a] Damien @ 212.248.252.234 > Bluemonkey | 12-Jul-05/1:37 AM | Reply
I am completely confused.....Can I not express my feelings in any way I choose. If you get offended then so be it but I wrote this with the best intentions.
Thanks for the feedback
[1] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 69.231.28.241 > Bluemonkey | 12-Jul-05/12:03 PM | Reply
you have to read it like a bad Eminem rap to feel it.
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