Re: Nowhere Land by Caducus	Tintagiles 207.179.148.58	20-Sep-05/8:59 PM
Hmm. That's quite fine. You still need to learn about apostrophes, but I gave up on that years ago. Seriously, howe'er... The second stanza is a bit confused. The first two lines are fine. Then the third: what's was laid on the grave? The buds. Do the buds make the graves fragrant, or were they already? Was the love born on/in the graves? Not that I mind, I've nothing against necrophilia myself... 'to die in her today' ... Does that mean 'Love was born/to die in love's today' or 'Love was born/to die in [graves, autumn] on this day'? Or what? I really like the penultimate line, but the last one seems to let it down a little.
Re: If I Were a Bird by TLRufener	Tintagiles 207.179.148.58	20-Sep-05/8:54 PM
If you were a bird, you'd have a brain the size of a peanut! Oh, wait, how would that chanmge you? Yawn yawn yawn. If you make it rhyme, you can send it to Hallmark.
Re: Please Stay by pletcgm	Tintagiles 207.179.148.58	20-Sep-05/8:53 PM
Okay. You're not rhyming. That's good. 'Bleeding a river of love' -- if it's flowing out and you're not going to love again, sure. 'Will you make my heart flutter' -- medically speaking, that's not a very good request.
Re: untitled Rubiyat 1 by starkfister	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67	20-Sep-05/2:10 PM
well, at least you have a blog! Moose.
Re: The Scout by wilco	Quarton 12.217.202.34	20-Sep-05/1:23 PM
Forgot to mention one minor thing. "as the wolves retake the land." seems slightly out of rhythm and a possible change might be, "as wolves retake the barren land." Just a thought and the piece is great as is.
Re: The Scout by wilco	Quarton 12.217.202.34	20-Sep-05/1:13 PM
Very good. The piece reads easy and with good rhythm. It has a certain poignancy which I liked.
Re: a comment on Creation by Quarton	Quarton 12.217.202.34	20-Sep-05/1:03 PM
Not to worry. Your distinction between organic evolution and inorganic evolution are right on. So put tht that gun down!
Re: Out of a White Hole by ALChemy	Quarton 12.217.202.34	20-Sep-05/11:03 AM
Really good writing. I write a fair amount on quantum physics as it is on the cutting edge of reality tho most people aren't familiar with the subject. You express yourself and your concepts quite well. Also, one of the few to put these concepts into poetic form, not an easy task when dealing with the abstract and esoteric. Keep it up. Oh yeah, a ten.
Re: Night Shift by ALChemy	Quarton 12.217.202.34	20-Sep-05/10:50 AM
Neat poem. Some great lines buy perhaps a bit wordy in some parts as Dovina mentioned. A solid nine.
Re: a comment on Castle in the Clouds by TLRufener	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/9:40 PM
ok
Re: Radio Tele Libre Mille Collines by Muffinly	Muffinly 64.114.134.52	19-Sep-05/8:41 PM
Im going to put up a revised version... and I'm working on a second part too.
Re: nicholson by ay deee	tianyi 86.130.65.59	19-Sep-05/1:08 PM
right on
Re: a comment on Castle in the Clouds by TLRufener	TLRufener 140.146.216.76	19-Sep-05/8:32 AM
Looking at shapes in the clouds is most commonly thought of as a childs' past-time. I switched to rhyme at the half-way mark because I wanted to show the adult reverting to a child. The ending is the child reverting back to the adult, realizing that there are things that must be done before a vacation is due.
Re: Across The Spectrum by thepinkbunnyofdoom	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/2:25 AM
Getting better. Meter problems in stanza 2.
Re: Castle in the Clouds by TLRufener	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/2:21 AM
You're lying not laying. I also think your lying the other way too. Why shift into rhyme half way through.
Re: My Name Is by hottemper26	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/1:49 AM
But when will your name be poet?
Re: Castle of Pandas III by FreeFormFixation	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/1:47 AM
They say once you go panda you might loose a handa.
Re: untitled rhyme royal 1 by starkfister	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/1:43 AM
Brilliant!
Re: untitled by starkfister	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/1:41 AM
Your grasp of ebonics astounds me.
Re: Awakening by Quarton	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	19-Sep-05/1:36 AM
Getting closer.