Interesting rhyme pattern.

Like Dovina said nice metaphor. This shows the duality between human nature and science. Science has no compassion but human nature has its moments. Your still improving. Which is more than most of us can say.

You forgot to end with th-th-th-that's all folks. Sorry I tried so hard to resist it but failed.

Shitty poem.

A good comparison.

There's much to like in this, but there are a couple of loose ends too. I like the imagery and the metaphors. But I don't get the "robins staff", and think the focus changes in the last line, and leaves the thing unresolved. If the staff were a coat hook, it would make sense to me, given that your coat is the rain. As for the last line, you may set spectacular, but in a solitary land of your own rather than nowhere. But why focus on yourself at the end, given that up to that point the focus is on her and the love?

I'm reading an anthology right now: Staying alive (real poems for unreal times) By Neil Astley. I remember a poem that made mention of black holes or a black hole and your poetry came to mind. I cant seem to find the poem but the whole anthology is reeeeeely good. Um, mamm-outh? and gladfly/glowfly? Planet-fly or moon-fly could be used? don't know. 8

I am a bit confused by parts of this but overall, I found myself liking it. And it is up to the reader to interpret your meaning.

Hmm. That's quite fine. You still need to learn about apostrophes, but I gave up on that years ago. Seriously, howe'er... The second stanza is a bit confused. The first two lines are fine. Then the third: what's was laid on the grave? The buds. Do the buds make the graves fragrant, or were they already? Was the love born on/in the graves? Not that I mind, I've nothing against necrophilia myself... 'to die in her today' ... Does that mean 'Love was born/to die in love's today' or 'Love was born/to die in [graves, autumn] on this day'? Or what? I really like the penultimate line, but the last one seems to let it down a little.

If you were a bird, you'd have a brain the size of a peanut! Oh, wait, how would that chanmge you? Yawn yawn yawn. If you make it rhyme, you can send it to Hallmark.

Okay. You're not rhyming. That's good. 'Bleeding a river of love' -- if it's flowing out and you're not going to love again, sure. 'Will you make my heart flutter' -- medically speaking, that's not a very good request.

well, at least you have a blog! Moose.

Forgot to mention one minor thing. "as the wolves retake the land." seems slightly out of rhythm and a possible change might be, "as wolves retake the barren land." Just a thought and the piece is great as is.

Very good. The piece reads easy and with good rhythm. It has a certain poignancy which I liked.

Really good writing. I write a fair amount on quantum physics as it is on the cutting edge of reality tho most people aren't familiar with the subject. You express yourself and your concepts quite well. Also, one of the few to put these concepts into poetic form, not an easy task when dealing with the abstract and esoteric. Keep it up. Oh yeah, a ten.

Neat poem. Some great lines buy perhaps a bit wordy in some parts as Dovina mentioned. A solid nine.

Im going to put up a revised version... and I'm working on a second part too.