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Out of a White Hole (Other) by ALChemy Conceived in a black hole
mid the iris of the minds eye
Itâs critical mass collapsed ego
pulls us deep inside
Fueling the cosmic whirlpool
Churning lie upon lie
Iâm singular, infinite, and beautiful
There your throne is ethereal
Lord of the vast nothing
But somewhere
in the brains grey material
comes something
An immaculate concept
Brighter than light
and too lite to be kept
by subconscious gravity
It flies on whimsical wings
It changes everything
Reversing relativity till
the irrelevant is ideal
It turns the wheel counter-clockwise
Summoning the spirit. Arise, arise!
A new universe unfolds
And behold, a star is reborn.
To decorate your sky
Up the ladder:
Cicada Years
Down the ladder:
Grind
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.888889
Posted: August 29, 2005 4:30 AM PDT; Last modified: August 29, 2005 4:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.9444447 Overall Rank: 1383 Comments:
Ahhh...is that what it looks like in there...excellent...:) Bethy
Maybe what we see on the outside is inside. So why not create something on the inside and make it on the outside.
Thanks Beth
Your :)'s are always the most genuine.
You've got some great images here.
mind's eye brain's gray matter
Thanks D.
That's pretty much how it came to me. In inspiring lines and images. I wrote them down and then pieced them together adding and subtracting parts till I found somekind of connected meaning in it. (a method of writing that I use quite often.) There was a primal feeling in me that emanated throughout the writing of the poem and I can only hope found it's way into the poem.
brain's< spelling The singlualr period, in the second to last line, and then none at the end...fix that... and get rid of commas or use puncuation throughout.
The transition here is uncomfortable> by subconscious gravity It flies on whimsical wings maybe would be helped with a period there? But then you start with 'it', without saying what 'it' is. I don't know...needs some work there. I like it though,; unique. So will give you a genrous vote...but would be higher with some cleaning up.
SINGULAR..even! Oh..and I adore the first stanza in its entirety!
Thanks.
Don't know how I missed "brain's". I dropped the periods at the end of the lines for a cleaner look. I see now I missed one of the little boogers. In the transition I used capital letters to imply the start of a new sentence at the beggining of a line. Maybe I'll have to put all the periods back. I'm glad you liked the first stanza. I spent more time re-editing that first stanza then I did on the rest of the poem.
Originally "It" was "Art" but I felt there was something more mysterious and primal about what I was describing and I wanted the reader to find their own meanings for "It" and the other symbols. I guess "It" could represent the subconscious thought escaping into consciousness. But still I think it goes deeper than that. Youâre welcome to give it any meaning you want.
I'll wait a few days for more possible suggestions then I'll get to cleaning it up. Thanks again.
I understand the meaning of 'it', but to start sentences with so many Its...that was what I was commenting on.
I think you extended the metaphor beyond its shelf-life. It feels cluttered by abstractions to fill in the places where imagination fails. Other than that good.
I wish I knew what abstractions you were talking about.
Really good writing. I write a fair amount on quantum physics as it is on the cutting edge of reality tho most people aren't familiar with the subject. You express yourself and your concepts quite well. Also, one of the few to put these concepts into poetic form, not an easy task when dealing with the abstract and esoteric. Keep it up. Oh yeah, a ten.
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I was at a loss for a title till a thought crossed my mind.
"Is there such things as white holes?" I researched it and found some interesting scientific theories and yet another metaphor.