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Out of a White Hole (Other) by ALChemy

Conceived in a black hole mid the iris of the minds eye It’s critical mass collapsed ego pulls us deep inside Fueling the cosmic whirlpool Churning lie upon lie I’m singular, infinite, and beautiful There your throne is ethereal Lord of the vast nothing But somewhere in the brains grey material comes something An immaculate concept Brighter than light and too lite to be kept by subconscious gravity It flies on whimsical wings It changes everything Reversing relativity till the irrelevant is ideal It turns the wheel counter-clockwise Summoning the spirit. Arise, arise! A new universe unfolds And behold, a star is reborn. To decorate your sky

LilMsLadyPoet 29-Aug-05/4:12 PM
brain's< spelling The singlualr period, in the second to last line, and then none at the end...fix that... and get rid of commas or use puncuation throughout.
The transition here is uncomfortable>
by subconscious gravity
It flies on whimsical wings
maybe would be helped with a period there? But then you start with 'it', without saying what 'it' is. I don't know...needs some work there. I like it though,; unique. So will give you a genrous vote...but would be higher with some cleaning up.




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