ALChemy
replying on Elmer's Last Try by Dovina
25 Sep 2005, 9:11 AM
For Bush or for the poem?
No matter. Same answer.
What should I vote on?
Brevity-8
Grammar-9
Vividness-6
Compared to your other poetry-4
Soap opera-ness-10
Firstly, your responses to -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.'s sarcasm are unfailingly to ironically treat his obvious misrepresentations as if they were true. What do you think he's doing? Please give it a rest.
Second, you're still not getting it. This, if I may, is your argument: The purpose of specieses is to continue. The purpose of specieses is to fulfill their purpose of continuing by reproducing. Who says so? Evolution herself says so.
Now, please consider: Who or what REALLY says the purpose of specieses is to continue? Yes, the theory we've made up to identify features PRESENTLY EXISTING SPECIESES have in common (i.e., the theory of evolution) says so. Obviously. A theory made by the cleverest people around in order to describe reality actually holds true for almost every situation. Especially when it's such a simple theory as "All creatures currently surviving on earth have in common that they survive, and have certain specialized skills that have allowed them to do so."
Even if you don't get the forgoing, get this: I do not believe the purpose of human beings is to reproduce. I certainly don't believe my purpose is to reproduce. I believe my purpose for living is to someday make you see the error of at least one of your ways. This can change at any time. I also believe that if humans were designed specifically and only in order to ensure the continuation of humanity, we'd do a lot better at it.
First, allow me to express appreciative humility on having so affected your life that your esteem of me has reduced to becoming ashamed. Such feelings don’t arise from casual acquaintance over an internet exchange, but rather from deep affection such as between brother and sister or father and daughter.
God does indeed know what I use hammers for, as do I. That’s because we both understand the context, wider or narrower as you wish, of my purpose in using them. It’s kind of like the way a worm understands the purpose for its existence. It may think of the next meal or the next intercourse, but really its purpose as God and I see it is to reproduce. Granted, God may see other purposes, being wiser than I. I’m sorry you cannot understand this as well as the worm does.
To God, our purpose is to worship Jesus, as you say, but not for a ticket to Heaven. In fulfilling our purpose to the glory of God and in the continuance of mankind, it is necessary for us to reproduce, to eat, to live long enough to reproduce, to keep from freezing, and other purposes.
I realize this is an incomplete description of life, and hope its brevity will encourage you to seek more knowledge.
I agree but then this is a personal one unlike most of mine which are not.
My love life is a bit wonky and I'm not a great poet just honest and fucked up.
Thank you for reading.
No proof of it I guess. Thanks for commenting
Oh, come on, horus, you can do better than this...
I'd break it up into line/indented line. Like this:
Today my name is dreamer,
Lost and clueless
It would probably make it a bit better. Not much, but a bit.
31.
Of course, in English at least, the form works better if the three rhyming lines are of the same length...
Too prosy. Maybe it's that there's not great feeling of rhythm. Something could be done with it, though.
Nice, nice. Why the question mark at 'cross he carved'? The second last stanza doesn't seem to fit that well, though.
Needs a rewrite. Here's a hint: if you're gasping for air, and in the next moment screaming, you're not serene.
Isn't it 'Bunyan'?
8074E000
'Amassed with many feelings'?
Ow. That's terrible. If you're going to use old-fashioned language, do it well.
Aside from that, an excellent first-person narrative of a dwarf performing cunnilingus on a grown woman. 8070F000
OBSTINATE, headstrong girl I'm ashamed of you. Firstly, the collection of living things is not an Array, it's a Tree. Secondly, "the array of living things" doesn't even come close to being a context in which a Gentleman may meaningfully employ the word 'purpose' without further qualification. When we use the word 'purpose' we always do it with some wider context in mind. "The purpose of X is to do such-and-such so I can achieve Y." "The purpose of my hammer is to bang in this nail so my house doesn't fall down." The hammer's purpose is described by reference to a wider context, and it's purpose is entirely dependent on that context. It's nonsense to talk about its purpose in the context of itself. Hammers mean different things to different people, and in different contexts. I use hammers beat my servants. God knows what you use them for.
And yet people always talk about their 'purpose' without reference to a wider context. "The purpose of living things is to reproduce." Ok but in what context? "In the context of living things on the earth." Yeah great but that's not a wider context (and therefore is not a context at all, since all contexts must be wider contexts). And it goes on: "What's our purpose?" Well, purpose to whom? To God, our purpose is to worship Jesu, thereby obtaining a free ticket into Heaven. "Yes but what's our purpose to US?" I don't know about you, but if praising Jesu is a good enough purpose for God, then it's good enough for me. The fact that it isn't good enough for you is why I'm so ashamed of you, and why my banning you was not an act of banality, but an act of mercy.
I have read some of your poetry and respect your views. If you have any specific suggestions on how I might "economize" this work, I'd be happy to hear them. (It was meant to be a tribute to my late mother; perhaps I am too close to the subject to approach it as an exclusively artistic endeavor.)
Very good until the last two verses. Then you seem to shift into another gear. It's like two poems.
More like a letter than a poem. Try using half as many words.