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Elmer's Last Try (Free verse) by Dovina
"I want you to love me," he whispered. She looked at him, and it seemed he was the child they never had. "And I did love you," she said, straightning his covers. Then she went out the door, closing it softly behind her. And that was the end of the conversation.

Down the ladder: Ode to Jack

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 10
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Weighted score: 5.1490035
Overall Rank: 5298
Posted: September 21, 2005 1:27 PM PDT; Last modified: September 21, 2005 1:27 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 21-Sep-05/1:55 PM | Reply
You forgot to end with th-th-th-that's all folks.



Sorry I tried so hard to resist it but failed.
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.59.205.78 > ALChemy | 22-Sep-05/1:52 PM | Reply
Did you try to resist voting and succeeded.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 > Dovina | 25-Sep-05/9:11 AM | Reply
For Bush or for the poem?

No matter. Same answer.

What should I vote on?

Brevity-8
Grammar-9
Vividness-6
Compared to your other poetry-4
Soap opera-ness-10
[9] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.116.67 | 21-Sep-05/8:04 PM | Reply
Sad. Interesting swap there. Unlike me and my heavily cliched (and sedated) poems. I think I should like to try an inversion someday. How much does the safety equipment cost? Man, the rankers dead lately!
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.59.205.78 > INTRANSIT | 22-Sep-05/1:54 PM | Reply
Trucking accross country like us I guess. No time for satire. I,ll be doin' Philadelphia to LA soon.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.151.147.145 | 22-Sep-05/6:50 AM | Reply
A bedwetting can test even the most devoted parent's love.
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.59.205.78 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 22-Sep-05/1:51 PM | Reply
Not as much as a proud child's derision. But it's not about parent-child, but rather husband-wife.
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