Re: Awakening by Quarton	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:49 PM
Nice. Very nice, even. It's 'whirling' rather than 'wirling', by the way -- though I'd tend to change that line. 'Whirling dervishes' have been heard of too often.
Re: The Birds by flightoffancy	Tintagiles 142.166.250.105	25-Sep-05/8:42 PM
Please -- you have to get at least one reference to Hitchcock in.
Re: Are you my love? by Prince of Void	Tintagiles 142.166.239.46	25-Sep-05/8:10 PM
It seems to be missing the occasional 'that' and 'the'.
Re: my friend beth we wear by jessicazee	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/11:34 AM
I spank this hurricane a monkey throwing but Snickers at me.
Re: Vice, Depravation, and Solace by D. $ Fontera	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/11:28 AM
Better than it should be.
Re: How Angels Smell by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/11:13 AM
The Angel Michael smells like cookie dough and looks like John Travolta. I heard they were blind but the not smelling thing is new to me. The next thing you'll be telling me is they have no feeling which explains why they don't bother having dicks. Maybe God just smells really bad. That's why the angels have Michael Jackson noses and God hides from us. Next time you smell something funky and you can't figure out where it came from feel comfort in knowing the holy father is near. I like the idea of the poem. The blindness of faith and all.
Re: a comment on The Last Suburb by some deleted user	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/10:49 AM
You might go this route. It's a quiet place, this gated community so well integrated The scent of magnolias filling the air with promise of spring the squirrels bravely leaping from tree to tree to tree It's a well-mannered community though visiting hours end early no one ever need complain visitors don't often remain long silences are hard to sustain Patience is a patient's pace It's an AABBBC CCDDDE EEFFFG...etc. Rhyme pattern. See you don't have to change much to re-stylize your poem. Just decide how you want it to be and do it. It doesn't have to rhyme either it just has to sound good.
Re: a comment on Seekers by Dovina	Dovina 129.44.26.173	25-Sep-05/10:37 AM
It's not there any more, except for remnants. It's been rebuilt twice, and the present Erie Canal is angular and technically correct. Beavers have no chance.
Re: a comment on Rejuvenation by Dovina	Dovina 129.44.26.173	25-Sep-05/10:34 AM
First, (not firstly) I realized before you mentioned -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.'s obvious misrepresentations, that they are sarcasm. That is not the thing I was answering. Please read again. Second, all species must reproduce to continue, making this their purpose, expressed by them or not. Evolution says so, because it is a theory made by humans to say things like that. Surely you get this. Maybe you want to argue about the meaning of the word “purpose.” We have both stated that we believe humans have purposes other than reproduction. I hope you will someday realize yours by making me see an error of my ways. I look forward to that.
Re: From Dust To Flesh To Texas by Caducus	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/9:46 AM
Drop the next to last line. It's out of place and seems preachy. Otherwise real good. She was 18 when you were 30?! You old dog you;)
Re: a comment on Seekers by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/9:33 AM
It's probably just hoping no beavers come by and start chewing on it.
Re: a comment on Elmer's Last Try by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	25-Sep-05/9:11 AM
For Bush or for the poem? No matter. Same answer. What should I vote on? Brevity-8 Grammar-9 Vividness-6 Compared to your other poetry-4 Soap opera-ness-10
Re: a comment on Rejuvenation by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.70	25-Sep-05/7:39 AM
Firstly, your responses to -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.'s sarcasm are unfailingly to ironically treat his obvious misrepresentations as if they were true. What do you think he's doing? Please give it a rest. Second, you're still not getting it. This, if I may, is your argument: The purpose of specieses is to continue. The purpose of specieses is to fulfill their purpose of continuing by reproducing. Who says so? Evolution herself says so. Now, please consider: Who or what REALLY says the purpose of specieses is to continue? Yes, the theory we've made up to identify features PRESENTLY EXISTING SPECIESES have in common (i.e., the theory of evolution) says so. Obviously. A theory made by the cleverest people around in order to describe reality actually holds true for almost every situation. Especially when it's such a simple theory as "All creatures currently surviving on earth have in common that they survive, and have certain specialized skills that have allowed them to do so." Even if you don't get the forgoing, get this: I do not believe the purpose of human beings is to reproduce. I certainly don't believe my purpose is to reproduce. I believe my purpose for living is to someday make you see the error of at least one of your ways. This can change at any time. I also believe that if humans were designed specifically and only in order to ensure the continuation of humanity, we'd do a lot better at it.
Re: a comment on Rejuvenation by Dovina	Dovina 24.213.236.224	24-Sep-05/7:56 AM
First, allow me to express appreciative humility on having so affected your life that your esteem of me has reduced to becoming ashamed. Such feelings don’t arise from casual acquaintance over an internet exchange, but rather from deep affection such as between brother and sister or father and daughter. God does indeed know what I use hammers for, as do I. That’s because we both understand the context, wider or narrower as you wish, of my purpose in using them. It’s kind of like the way a worm understands the purpose for its existence. It may think of the next meal or the next intercourse, but really its purpose as God and I see it is to reproduce. Granted, God may see other purposes, being wiser than I. I’m sorry you cannot understand this as well as the worm does. To God, our purpose is to worship Jesus, as you say, but not for a ticket to Heaven. In fulfilling our purpose to the glory of God and in the continuance of mankind, it is necessary for us to reproduce, to eat, to live long enough to reproduce, to keep from freezing, and other purposes. I realize this is an incomplete description of life, and hope its brevity will encourage you to seek more knowledge.
Re: a comment on From Dust To Flesh To Texas by Caducus	Caducus 172.200.189.239	24-Sep-05/4:11 AM
I agree but then this is a personal one unlike most of mine which are not. My love life is a bit wonky and I'm not a great poet just honest and fucked up. Thank you for reading.
Re: a comment on From Dust To Flesh To Texas by Caducus	Caducus 172.200.189.239	24-Sep-05/4:08 AM
No proof of it I guess. Thanks for commenting
Re: Horus8 & The Werewolves Live... by horus8	Tintagiles 198.164.251.165	23-Sep-05/4:18 PM
Oh, come on, horus, you can do better than this...
Re: My Name Is by hottemper26	Tintagiles 198.164.251.165	23-Sep-05/4:17 PM
I'd break it up into line/indented line. Like this: Today my name is dreamer, Lost and clueless It would probably make it a bit better. Not much, but a bit.
Re: nicholson by ay deee	Tintagiles 198.164.251.165	23-Sep-05/4:13 PM
31.
Re: untitled Rubiyat 1 by starkfister	Tintagiles 198.164.251.165	23-Sep-05/4:11 PM
Of course, in English at least, the form works better if the three rhyming lines are of the same length...