Tintagiles
replying on nicholson by ay deee
26 Sep 2005, 7:18 PM
The answer to your question, of course.
I'm presuming 'chorde' is 'cord'? And 'that whispers of me to enter' -- should that me 'whispers to me' or was the gate whispering about it, in which case 'to enter' makes no sense.
Very well written, though.
Was he in shining armour at the ball? Must be a pretty tough guy to dance the Volta with sixty kilos of metal on him...
Gratuitously emetic
Gentle, moody and contemplatative (a very nice combination) - there is sufficient thought within the first paragraphs to force me to ask where I can read more of your work (a rarity). I would say I lost the thread a bit in the middle verse though, but was so enchanted by the end of the second verse that I quickly glanced over that.
Nice write, intricate.
The Villanelle's much better.
Nice. Very nice, even. It's 'whirling' rather than 'wirling', by the way -- though I'd tend to change that line. 'Whirling dervishes' have been heard of too often.
Please -- you have to get at least one reference to Hitchcock in.
It seems to be missing the occasional 'that' and 'the'.
I spank this hurricane a monkey throwing but Snickers at me.
Better than it should be.
The Angel Michael smells like cookie dough and looks like John Travolta.
I heard they were blind but the not smelling thing is new to me. The next thing you'll be telling me is they have no feeling which explains why they don't bother having dicks.
Maybe God just smells really bad. That's why the angels have Michael Jackson noses and God hides from us.
Next time you smell something funky and you can't figure out where it came from feel comfort in knowing the holy father is near.
I like the idea of the poem. The blindness of faith and all.
You might go this route.
It's a quiet place, this gated
community so well integrated
The scent of magnolias filling
the air with promise of spring
the squirrels bravely leaping
from tree to tree to tree
It's a well-mannered community
though visiting hours end early
no one ever need complain
visitors don't often remain
long silences are hard to sustain
Patience is a patient's pace
It's an AABBBC CCDDDE EEFFFG...etc. Rhyme pattern.
See you don't have to change much to re-stylize your poem.
Just decide how you want it to be and do it.
It doesn't have to rhyme either it just has to sound good.
First, (not firstly) I realized before you mentioned -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.'s obvious misrepresentations, that they are sarcasm. That is not the thing I was answering. Please read again.
Second, all species must reproduce to continue, making this their purpose, expressed by them or not. Evolution says so, because it is a theory made by humans to say things like that. Surely you get this. Maybe you want to argue about the meaning of the word “purpose.”
We have both stated that we believe humans have purposes other than reproduction. I hope you will someday realize yours by making me see an error of my ways. I look forward to that.
Drop the next to last line. It's out of place and seems preachy. Otherwise real good.
She was 18 when you were 30?!
You old dog you;)